Wednesday, April 22, 2009

When the Light Reveals What Was Hidden

Choices…

This word continues to reverberate in my heart and mind. It seems to grow louder each day, and I see it everywhere I look—just in case the voice in my head isn’t loud enough! So I’ve begun making some “choices” I believe the Lord is asking of me.

First, I’ve decided to get up earlier to spend more time with Him in the mornings. I set my alarm for 7:30 a.m. (instead of gradually rolling out of bed around 8:30 or 9:00), but so far this week He has woken me up before the alarm even goes off.

Second, I’ve started a new Bible study—Daniel by Beth Moore. She asks us to commit to fasting or abstaining from something during the 12-week study as a reminder of who we are (children of God) and where we’re living (present-day Babylon). So I’ve reluctantly chosen to abstain from desserts. Since ending the raw food fast, that’s the area I’ve slipped the most, so I felt the Lord nudging me to re-establish some boundaries.

Another choice I’ve made is to show respect for my husband as much as possible. In my last entry, I had only listened to 2 of the 5 Love and Respect CDs—now I’ve finished all of them. I thought I was undone before… but after hearing the rest, I don’t think I could have felt much lower. At one point, I almost burst into tears.

But the amazing thing about the Lord is that when He undoes you, it is with such love and kindness that you actually want to make right what you’ve been doing wrong. It felt like all the covers were suddenly stripped away and every hidden flaw was exposed—not just before God, but before my own eyes. I saw a side of myself I had never truly recognized… yet it also looked strangely familiar.

As I sat there, stunned by what I was seeing, I finally understood: it was my mom. She was so independent, so influenced by the women’s liberation movement, that she treated men with a level of disrespect that made even me cringe. I can now recognize that attitude—what I would call a “Jezebel spirit”—had rubbed off on me far more than I ever realized. It wasn’t as blatant in me as it was in her, but it was certainly there. Once it was exposed to the light, I could finally see it for what it was.

Lord, thank You for revealing this to me. Remove this ungodly heart and attitude. Help me become the wife You’ve called me to be—to love and respect my husband in all I say and do. Whether I feel it or think he deserves it, let me do it unto You.

Today was only the third day of the Daniel study, and I already love it. With God, everything blends together—confirming, deepening, and expanding what He’s teaching me. Beth describes the condition of Judah’s people when they were carried off to Babylon and draws parallels between ancient Babylon and our present-day culture.

The king selected Israelites “from the royal family and the nobility” with the characteristics:

youth, beauty, physical perfection, intelligence, and qualification (Daniel 1:3–4).

Does that sound familiar? Wow.

Beth explains that Babylon is no longer merely a place, but a way of thinking. She warns that “friendly captivity” can be more dangerous than hostile captivity, because we slowly adapt to the mindset of our captors. In our day, I don’t see “the world” as a captor as much as an enemy—but the Christian community has become so similar to the world that it’s hard to tell the difference between the two. Even our churches model themselves after corporate structures. What is up with that?

This morning I found myself asking:
In what ways am I blending in and looking like the world—especially now that I’ve seen this hidden part of my heart exposed?

It’s funny how clearly I can notice it in others, and yet be blind to it in myself.

Lord, please continue to reveal every area of my life—no matter how deeply hidden—that is not glorifying to You. Do whatever You need to do to make me more like You.

After my time with the Lord, Tom read more of Frank Viola’s From Eternity to Here, which AB loaned us. At first, I wondered if it was another marriage book, because the themes echoed what we just learned in Love and Respect. But it’s even better—it’s a love story between Jesus and His Bride.

Frank paints such a beautiful picture of God’s purpose and plan for Jesus and His Bride—laid out before time began. I walked away thinking:

God does absolutely nothing without purpose, and nothing catches Him off guard.

That realization makes even my smallest worries feel like such an affront to an almighty, powerful, purposeful God.