Saturday, October 11, 2008

From Uncertainty to Open Doors

Well, God opened another door. 😊

H’s mom was arriving from California today at 4 p.m., so we needed to be out of the house by then. We had talked with DD, and he said the house was all torn up as he was trying to get it ready to rent. He said he’d check with his wife and call us Friday night or Saturday morning to confirm if we could come back. But all morning, as I was packing, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t where we were supposed to go. I didn’t know where else we could go—but deep down, both Tom and I felt certain God had something else in mind.

That’s when God stepped in—again.

I had a walking appointment with a friend who, back when all of this began, had offered her home to us. But by the time we returned from our California trip, her mother-in-law had moved in, and we assumed it was no longer an option. Today, when I told her what was going on, she offered her home again—and just like that, we had a place to go! From nowhere to go in the morning… to a warm invitation by noon.

God is soooooo cool!

Later, H sent me a devotional from a book she’s been reading. She said it was for me—and wow, it was spot on. Here’s what it said:

---

"My princess, go where I send you."

You seek Me for your place in this world, and my answer to you is wherever you are standing. I love you and hear you pray to be used by me. Nothing pleases me more than when your love flows warm and free. When you are willing, I am ready to place you somewhere to be a blessing. Even the smallest effort can lift the burden of someone else when you are living in My power. You won't always understand why I send you to do things that no one else will see, but you don't work for others, you work for Me. What you do now will be seen by all on the other side of eternity. So go where I send you today, knowing that I have prepared the way.

Love,

Your King who is the Way

1 Corinthians 15:58

"Be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord's work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless."

---

That devotional spoke so directly to my heart—it was like the Lord Himself was reminding me that He sees, He knows, and He’s leading the way. It was yet another blessing in a day already filled with reminders that He is sovereign, and that He provides.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

 

Forged for His Glory

This has been a very busy, but amazing, week. M and L—the couple we’re currently staying with—have truly been wonderful. They’ve welcomed us with open arms, and we feel like part of the family here. We have reliable internet (thank You, Jesus, for the small but important blessings!), plenty of food, and a peaceful roof over our heads.

CB invited me to join a website called SimpleChurch.com, and I’ve been exploring it as time (and internet access) allows. I’ve posted a few comments and journal entries, and I’ve really enjoyed the interaction. These are people who have been called out, just like us. It’s so encouraging—and honestly, it’s way cool!

One of the women who saw one of my posts reached out and asked to meet. We had dinner, and it was instantly clear that it was a divine appointment. God set that one up. We’re now pursuing a friendship, and she’s even joining the Breaking Free Beth Moore study I’m leading. Praise the Lord for all the divine connections and ways He’s moving!

The Lord also brought a couple more women into my life this week. One came through a local therapist, and another is someone we met years ago through Divorce Care. She reached out after hearing our story and wanted to know more about what God has been doing in our lives. I pray for the grace to keep up with everyone and not wear myself out in the process.

Tom and I are doing better—thank You, Jesus! I’ve been refocusing my thoughts, praying for him (and for myself, his wife!) using The Power of a Praying Wife prayer cards, and asking the Lord to help me see Tom through His eyes. Last night, on the way home from taking W back, Tom opened up and shared more about how he’s been feeling. It helped me so much to hear his heart—it gave me a deeper compassion for what he’s walking through.

He said he doesn’t feel like he’s being “refined” so much as “forged”—like a steel sword. Not melted like gold, but beaten into shape. He reminded me of a show we’d watched together about how swords are made: the steel is heated, then pounded, stretched, folded, reheated, and pounded again. Over and over. That’s how he feels—that every bit of flesh and impurity is being pounded out of him.

As he spoke, I felt the Lord shift my perspective. I began to understand more clearly why this season has been so painful for him. We even remembered a word CA gave us back in June 2007: 

“The Word will be your backbone—it is like steel, keeping you straight and true.” Wow. 

That really hit home.

Another incredible moment this week: I sent SK my updated journal detailing how God showed up in such powerful ways last weekend. He reminded us that God had told him he wasn’t just supposed to give us money—he was to provide for something specific related to ministry. At first, Tom and I weren’t sure what that meant. But in prayer, our cell phone and car insurance bills kept coming to mind.

We weren’t comfortable bringing it up, so we waited. Then SK followed up and offered examples: “Books? Videos? Websites? Gas?” At that point, I felt released to mention our phone and insurance needs. He replied almost immediately—God confirmed that he was to help with those, and he’s now set it up to send us $200 per month to cover those expenses. Thank You, Jesus!

He also encouraged me—again—to start posting my journal online for others to read. I’ve felt for a while that I was supposed to do that, but I didn’t know when, where, or how. This time, when he mentioned it, I instantly thought of SimpleChurch.com and felt a peace in my spirit. So I began last night and plan to post as many entries as I can each day until I’m caught up.

Lord, may Your glory be revealed in our lives through every step of this journey. I’ve already received a couple of positive responses—and I’m excited to see what You’ll do next.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Strength in the Waiting 

Boy, am I pooped! “The joy of the Lord is my strength!!” Please Lord, fill me with Your joy today. I have had a very busy, but good and fulfilling week… and it’s not even over yet. :)

The Beth Moore Breaking Free study is really good and, of course, right on time! Our second week’s memory verse is Isaiah 43:10:

“You are my witnesses,” declares the LORD,
“and my servant whom I have chosen,
so that you may know and believe me
and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed,
nor will there be one after me.”

We have been chosen! So that we may know and believe and understand Him! I don’t know why, but I continually want to make things all about ME. It’s not about me, but all about HIM and HIS GLORY. I don’t know how many times I’ll have to hear that before it actually sinks into my heart and being… Lord, please help me get my mind wrapped around this.

This week’s scripture is Isaiah 64:4:

“Since ancient times no one has heard,
no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.”

There it is again: the word WAIT. The Lord is always making us wait. In this world of “instant gratification” it is so hard to wait on the Lord’s timing.

My eye drops ran out last month, so I have been waiting for the Lord to provide enough money to refill my prescription that will run out in November. Without insurance, the drops cost $90 and $80… I guess it could be worse, but at this point it might as well be $1000. I can feel the pressure in my eye increasing, so I continually thank the Lord for His healing. I believe He will either heal my eye or provide the money for the drops in His perfect timing. Thank You, Jesus, for Your promises!

In my study time this morning one of my scriptures was Numbers 23:19:

“God is not a man, that he should lie,
nor a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?”

You are God, and I am not.

Here is the Spirit of Prophecy for today:

Small Straws In A Soft Wind by Marsha Burns — October 17, 2008:

Make a concerted effort to turn your focus from politics, economy and world events to seek My face, says the Lord. All of these concerns will steal your joy and peace. Do you not know that I alone am in charge of your world? And, I will bring to pass everything that is necessary to establish My kingdom in the earth. My government and authority are above all that you can conceive of in the natural realm. So, I say, shift your focus upward and trust that My order is being established.

Isaiah 55:9: “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Monday, October 20, 2008

Woven by His Hand

I had another great weekend!

Friday night the new girl joined the Teaching on the Prophetic class, and then she picked up her husband from the airport (returning from China) right afterward. The class was awesome because the Lord showed up again. There were so many people there! B and S were there, as well as D and L. I pray that the Lord spoke to them in powerful ways in Jesus’ name.

Then I had lunch with three ladies at the Cuban restaurant, and we had a wonderful time of fellowship and sharing what God is doing in us all.

Saturday night was very laid back. We stayed at M and L’s because we were originally going to watch the kids for E, but M got Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease… bummer for E! We’ll reschedule with them so they can have a date night before R has to leave for the month of November.

Then Saturday night SK emailed us to let us know he was going to be able to join us for the Acts Bible study on Sunday! He drove 4 ½ hours from DC to get there, but he was not disappointed! He walked away with so much love from God, and a couple of people spoke words over him and encouraged him to hang in there and continue to pray for the DC area.

My new lady and her husband showed up as well, and it was very cool! CA had an amazing word for her husband, and he said that someone had given him the same word in 1983—which he had written down and kept in his Bible! He read it to us, and it was almost identical to the word CA spoke over him. Wow. How cool is that? We were all so very blessed on Sunday and again walked away full to overflowing!

The woman’s husband prayed for me as well and gave me Isaiah 58:6:

“Is not this the fast that I have chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?”

He prayed for a deeper anointing for the ministry the Lord has given me so that He could work in even greater ways through me. He asked me if I had ever fasted and encouraged me to meditate on this scripture and see what the Lord had for me. I’ve been praying and asking the Lord if He wanted me to fast, but I haven’t gotten anything regarding this yet. For now, I just want to take one day at a time and let Him lead me.

I am just so amazed to see the hand of God weaving His tapestry of people and relationships, and how He has pulled together and made connections with so many people in my life. For example, the new couple are being called to China for 16 months, and EA just got back from Beijing and wants to return—so they connected and will probably get together in China when she goes back. Then SK shared that he hadn’t found a fellowship in DC yet, but someone knew of a group that meets in that area, so they exchanged information. And there were several other situations just like that! Way cool stuff. It is humbling to watch God’s powerful arm at work, making everything happen in His perfect way and timing.

I’ve been entering my journal on SimpleChurch.com (all of them, starting from the beginning), and it is so interesting to go back and read what was going on a year ago. Wow—it’s cool to remember where we were and what God was doing back then. I’ve even had some revelations and epiphanies that I had already forgotten! What is up with that? I guess it’s good for me to go back and be reminded of these things.

We started reading Oswald about this time last year, so we’re basically starting over again now—and the Lord is showing us different things because we are in a different place than we were then.

Lord, thank You for being so much BIGGER than me!!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Front Row Seats to His Work 

We had yet another awesome weekend!!

I’m still cooking for G and F during the week. G is getting ready to travel to Atlanta to visit her family next week, and she is especially excited in anticipation of her adventure. She is so cute! F’s 80th birthday is also coming up, so I’m planning a small gathering to celebrate with her.

Friday night we were invited to a friend’s birthday party, and I struggled with whether to go to the party or attend the prophetic class. It has been so good lately, and I felt like I didn’t want to miss anything. But one day while I was in the shower and praying about it, the Lord reminded me that He would be wherever I was—that I wouldn’t be missing anything—and that I needed to be at the party. He also showed me that my desire to go to class was selfish, because I was looking for something for me, and that He needed me to be available for others. DOH!! So, you can probably guess where I went Friday night. And of course, God placed people around me who were hungry to hear about what He was doing in our lives and in His body. It was so cool, and we had a great time!

I also sense that the Lord is preparing us to stop going to the Friday night group. It feels like He has something else for us to step into—or maybe our time at that group has simply come to an end, and we need to move on before we turn it into an idol (if we haven’t already).

Saturday, the NC group from SimpleChurch.com gathered at R and M’s house church, and wow—what an amazing time! A and CB’s Kingdom Growth Guide group came and stayed through the meal and introductions but had to leave around 9:00 because of their kids’ bedtimes. It was unfortunate, because the worship and ministry afterward were truly incredible! We came in as strangers, but we left feeling like family. The gifts of the Spirit flowed through worship, prayer, words from the Lord, and praise. God continues to bring more hungry people into our lives and keeps amazing us with how big He is!

Sunday morning Tom and I met the new couple for breakfast, and it was such a blessing to get to know them better. Part of me already feels sad that we’ll build this friendship only to have them leave for China soon. I shared with a friend that it feels like God is placing such awesome, powerful, gifted people in my life—and that we have the privilege of “front row seats” as we watch Him do amazing things through them. I know this couple will have a powerful ministry in China, and I can’t wait to see and hear what God will do!

After breakfast, we picked up the kids from E’s house and took them to K and SW’s Sunday Supper House Church for another wonderful day at the farmhouse. The weather was perfect again, and the kids had a great time running around with new friends, getting fresh air, and eating good food.

Today’s Oswald reading was really good:

October 27 – The Method of Missions

Matthew 28:19 – “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.”

Jesus Christ did not say, “Go and save souls” (the salvation of souls is the supernatural work of God). He said, “Go . . . make disciples of all nations.” Yet we cannot make disciples unless we ourselves are disciples. When the disciples returned from their first mission, they rejoiced because even demons were subject to them. But Jesus reminded them that the great secret of joy is not successful service—it is having the right relationship with Him (Luke 10:17–20).

The missionary’s essential is remaining true to the call of God, realizing that our purpose is to disciple men and women to Jesus—not to make converts to our own point of view. The challenge isn’t that people are difficult or indifferent. The challenge is always the missionary’s personal relationship with Jesus. Do I know my risen Lord? Do I know the power of His Spirit? Am I willing to abandon worldly wisdom and live in limitless confidence in Christ alone?

Lord, I pray You continue to pound it into my head that it’s not about what I do for You or my service for You, but about my relationship with You and abiding in Your presence. I know that through our relationship, You will do in me what needs to be done to “disciple” those You bring my way.

We’re still at M and L’s, and honestly, I’m not sure why. It feels like they’re ministering to us more than we are to them. They’ve been so accommodating, making sure every need is met. We haven’t even had to buy groceries since we’ve been here! Their schedules are busy, so we don’t see much of them. I’ve had a couple of “OCD episodes” and organized their pantry, refrigerator, and freezer, but other than that, we haven’t done much.

Lord, I pray You’ll give us more opportunities to minister to this family and household. In Jesus’ name.

Monday, November 03, 2008

 

A Shift in Seasons

Tomorrow is Election Day—Obama or McCain? Only the Lord knows who will win the vote, but one thing I rest in is this: the Great I AM is in control, no matter who takes the office of president. That truth alone brings peace.

It also feels worth noting that gas prices have dropped below $2.50 a gallon (some even at $2.39!). Thank you, Jesus. I can’t help but wonder how long it will last…

Yesterday brought a surprise. At the Acts Bible Study, BA announced that the Lord told them they were finished—both the Sunday morning and Friday night gatherings. Yesterday was the last meeting. Wow. I know Tom and I had been sensing the Lord nudging us away from Friday nights, especially with the “Truth Project” beginning at BY’s, but I hadn’t expected Sundays to end as well.

Part of me feels sad, because we have learned and grown so much through those meetings. Yet another part of me feels stirred with anticipation. When God closes one door, He usually opens another. Perhaps the time is drawing near for Tom and me to start something ourselves. Whatever the Lord has for us next, I know it will be good.

Looking back, I see the calendar steadily clearing. First R and J’s meetings ended, then L’s, and now B and CA’s. The seasons are changing. I want to be ready.

The book we’ve been reading online, The Harlot Church System, also spoke into this season. The author shared how the Lord told him to quit “The Ministry.”

"What does it mean to quit THE Ministry?" I asked my wife, Nancy. As usual, with keen perception, knowing it had to do with me in particular, she thoughtfully answered. "It means not feeling responsible for the people in the little groups we minister to, making a syllabus or a book of everything that comes to you, systematizing everything into a formal teaching with the idea you have to teach it, starting a ministry school, putting out newsletters, nor pastoring anyone. It means to just be." 

I liked that description!! How hard is it for us to JUST BE and not take responsibility for the people the Lord brings to us!!? Lord help me to not continue to get caught up in the same old trap over and over again... when all you ask is for me to be—abiding in You, available to Your Spirit.

It also brought to mind the way we call what we do our ministry. Every time those words leave my lips, they feel wrong. It isn’t mine. It isn’t ours. It’s His. I may not know what to call it yet—perhaps simply “the Lord’s work”—but I know I cannot take ownership of what belongs to Him.

Lord, may I walk with open hands in this new season, ready to follow wherever You lead.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

This Is Not a Game

I woke up this morning with a couple of things on my heart and mind. Yesterday Tom asked me several times if I was “OK.” I answered that I was, but I was surprised he kept asking. Finally, I asked if I had been mean or rude to him, and he said no, I just seemed distant and disconnected. I thought—well, that was certainly a possibility!

So this morning, I woke up early and began praying, asking the Lord what my “deal” was. He spoke very directly to me. He reminded me of what I had written in an earlier journal entry about how comfortable and nice it has been to live here, with all our needs met. I had mentioned how we didn’t feel like we had been able to minister much to this family, and God said, “You have not made an impact on this family, but they have made an impact on you. You don’t look any different than they do.”

(They are not “bad” people—they are actually wonderful people and strong Christians. But they’re caught up in the trap of the world and self-sufficiency.)

Then He hit me with this: “Your stomach and your comfort are your gods. You’ve neglected your time with Me as a couple, and now you are drifting apart again.”

Those words pierced me. My own words to someone else came back to me: “This is not a game!” We are in a battle here, and we have to be prepared for it. We need to be fighting the right enemy for God’s eternal purposes. Right now, we are vulnerable because our armor isn’t on.

The second thing on my heart was how patient God is with me. As I’ve been rereading and posting my journal entries, I’ve grown weary of seeing the same words, the same struggles, over and over again. I have “revelations,” “insights,” and new “determinations,” but they fade quickly, and I’ve forgotten far more than I care to admit.

As I read back over them, I find myself praying that somehow, someway, I can hold onto more this time than I did before. I feel so inept. And yet, I’m amazed that God continues to pour out grace, patience, and love on me—even after the hundredth time of telling me the same things I should have remembered the first time.

I shared my first thought with Tom this morning, and he invited me to join him in worship and prayer when I got back from my morning meeting. It was so nice and refreshing to be at the Lord’s feet with my husband again! I feel much more connected and less distant now.

Thank You, Lord, for revealing these hard truths to me. I pray You give Tom and me a constant reminder that THIS IS NOT A GAME. It’s not about our comfort or pleasure—it’s about Your purposes and Your glory.

Last night, I had another “world disaster” dream. I can’t help but feel like the time is getting shorter and shorter.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

And the Voters Say…!!

OBAMA—for our next president! It will be interesting to see what “changes” he will bring about. And I say again: thank You, Lord, that You are in control.

Tuesday was such a great day with G and F! G and I shopped together for F’s birthday dinner, and then we spent some time cooking together. Later, CT and the kids came over to help us celebrate F’s 80th birthday. It was such a sweet and memorable time.

To my surprise, G gave me a card from her daughter-in-law, along with a card of her own. Both were filled with such kind and thoughtful words of thanks—and each included generous cash gifts! I was truly overwhelmed and blessed by their kindness and generosity. 

Thank You, Lord, for Your faithful provision, given in such unexpected and wonderful ways.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Healing and New Opportunities

Things have been going pretty smoothly lately. I’ve been working on getting back on track with my eating (my body must be storing up fat for the winter!). I’ve fallen off the “good eating habits lifestyle” wagon and I’m finding it harder than usual to say “no” to foods that used to be easy to resist. I’ve been asking the Lord for His strength, since mine feels so weak—or non-existent—these days.

On a brighter note, I’ve been doing better at keeping the enemy at bay and taking my thoughts captive regarding Tom. I’ve been praying for him more consistently and seeking to love him in ways that really speak his love language. One of my favorite prayers from The Power of a Praying Wife reminds me how much I need God’s help in this area:

Lord, help me to be a good wife. I fully realize that I don't have what it takes to be one without Your help. Take my selfishness, impatience, and irritability and turn them into kindness, long-suffering, and the willingness to bear all things. Take my old emotional habits, mindsets, automatic reactions, rude assumptions, and self-protectiveness, and make me patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. Take the hardness of my heart and break down the walls with Your battering ram of revelation. Give me a new heart and work in me Your love, peace, and joy (Galatians 5:22–23). I am not able to rise above who I am at this moment. Only You can transform me.

"Whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them. And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive your trespasses." (Mark 11:24–25)

This prayer always helps me remember who I am—and who I am not!

The Beth Moore Breaking Free Bible study has also been very eye-opening. I realized something I had never truly acknowledged before: I suffered a deeply broken heart in my relationship with my mom. For years I strived to earn her acceptance and approval, only to come up empty-handed again and again. When Beth asked if we had ever experienced a broken heart, I thought only of relationships with guys—and assumed I hadn’t. But the Lord reminded me of an incident in my late teens, after a particularly difficult phone call with my mom. I was so frustrated and hurt that, after hanging up, I completely lost it—yelling, crying, flailing, hitting pillows, trying desperately to release the pain and rejection I felt. Tom (then my boyfriend) came running in, thinking I was under attack—only to find me thrashing around on my bed alone, like a deranged maniac (and he still married me, lol!). Looking back now, I understand: my heart was broken that day. I’m so grateful for a loving God who not only identifies these hidden wounds, but gently heals them with His kindness and care.

I also feel like I’m getting better at hearing and obeying. For a while I really struggled to put God first in my day. My tendency was to check email, my calendar, or anything else before spending time with Him. Now, I look forward to my mornings with Him, and it’s not as hard to resist the internet battle. In the evenings, I often read spiritually challenging books, but recently I found myself without one. One day I thought, I wish I had a good book to read, and the Lord said, “You do! Spend some time with Me in My Word.” So, I did—and it was wonderful! Now I treasure that evening time with Him too.

Since B and CA’s groups closed, the Lord has opened new doors for fellowship. We joined B and SY’s “Truth Project” group on Friday nights, and we’re meeting with K and P for prayer and worship every other Sunday morning. I also started gathering with a few ladies every other Wednesday for prayer and fellowship. I am looking forward to seeing what the Lord will do through these new opportunities!

On a practical note, AR saw Tom walking Kona (M & L’s dog) the other day and asked if we could house-sit for them during Christmas week. That is such a blessing! Since M and L’s kids will be home for the holidays, we need to find another place to stay around mid-December (probably the 17th). But as always, we trust the Lord to provide.

Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness and provision!