Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Provision, Purpose, and Flat Tires

Heavenly Father, Your faithfulness is matchless!

On Thursday morning, Tom took the tire to BY’s shop to see if they could patch it up for us—and they did! We were excited to have it fixed, but then Thursday night, as I was coming home from my group, it went flat again… DOH! When Tom put the spare on Wednesday morning, he showed me how to do it, and as I stood there watching him instruct me, I thought, there’s a reason I’m learning this!

Sure enough, I needed that knowledge Thursday night. Even though it was 25-degree weather, I felt confident that I could change the tire myself. Still, I knew the Lord would send help—and while I was still on the phone with Tom, Officer Cherry pulled up to check on me and helped me change it. God is so good! So, we were back to the spare and waiting on the Lord’s provision for a new tire since that one couldn’t be repaired.

On Friday, I met with a new woman referred by a girl I used to work with, and we had a great talk. When we were getting ready to leave, she handed me a bill and said it was for my “time.” I reminded her that I was free and she didn’t have to pay me, but she insisted. I didn’t actually look at it until I got to the car—and it’s a good thing I was sitting down because I might have fallen over… it was a $100 bill! I was shocked, then overflowing with praise for the Lord’s provision once again. We were able to order the new tire and had it taken care of on Monday.

Friday night brought another adventure—the air mattress we’d been sleeping on finally gave out. So, we didn’t get much sleep that night and went Saturday to get a new one. We couldn’t afford the same kind we’d had, but after trying to sleep on the floor, we were just grateful to be off the ground! It seems like we’re having trouble keeping things inflated these days. CB asked what in our lives might need to be deflated—hmmm, good question! Lord, please help us with that one. My first thought was “our egos,” but if that’s not it, please reveal what is.

Friday night, A and C flew to California to introduce C to the family. Adam’s note tonight said they were having a great time. I pray that all continues to go well and that she likes the family—and the family likes her!

Today, I met with Kristen from “Services for the Blind.” She went over the formal information and paperwork, asking about my work and daily activities. I tried to feel her out to see if there was another reason I was there, but as kind as she was, she politely avoided every opening to talk about the Lord. It reminded me of the seminar two weeks ago, when we learned to look for a “person of peace.” From what I learned, she wasn’t one—and that’s okay. As I was leaving, I felt the Lord say, You’re not asking for this; Raleigh Eye Center is asking for it. They’re the ones who pushed for me to go through this process. If the Lord wants to close that door, He will. If not, it will all work out. Either way, I know He’s in control.

As of today, I’m on day 10 of my raw fruit and veggie fast, and it’s been good. I’ve enjoyed the food and the physical results. I haven’t felt weak or tired, even with my full schedule—painting with H on Mondays, spending nearly a whole day with Marteen on Tuesdays, and everything else! I don’t think I could have done a water fast this time. I’ve decided to extend it to 40 days, adding nuts and beans after day 14 for protein. I feel lighter—physically and spiritually. No sluggishness, no guilt, no overindulgence.

I’ve realized I really need structure and clear boundaries to do what I know I should be doing… why is that, Lord?

During this fast, I’ve been studying fasting in the Bible. In the Old Testament, it often represented repentance—a cry to God after realizing how far the people had drifted. In the New Testament, it seems to be about seeking the Lord’s direction—before sending people out, during persecution, and when needing guidance. I want to keep my focus on the new covenant and what the Lord is saying now.

I’m not sure why He called me to this fast, but I know He has a purpose. Lord, please guide and direct me in what You would have me do. Open my eyes and my heart, and give me the strength to be obedient even when things don’t make sense.

Tom seems to be perking up lately. He made a new contact at the seminar, and one of the husbands of the women I met with reached out to him. It’s good to see him ministering again after a dry season. Thank You, Jesus. He’s still struggling a bit physically, so I’m praying for renewed strength for him too.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Encouragement, Connections, and Divine Timing

I had a wonderful time with CB last Wednesday! I’d wanted to help her with her Wednesday food delivery for a while, and God worked it out so I could join her. She picks up food from Food Lion that would otherwise be thrown away, then drives through poor neighborhoods and lets people take what they need from her trunk. I had such a great time meeting everyone she serves—I think I was more blessed than the people receiving the food! I plan to help her every other Wednesday as I can so I can bless her ministry and be blessed in the process.

Last Wednesday night, after I posted my journal entry, a thought crossed my mind: “I wonder if anyone is even reading this?” Then came another: “Why am I even doing this?” But I was tired and didn’t dwell on it. The next morning, I got an encouraging email from a fellow “Simple Church” sister that began with, “Linda, your blog is absolutely inspiring!...” Wow, Lord—you even care about those fleeting thoughts that cross my mind! She went on to share about her own walk with You and how faithful You’ve been to her. The timing was perfect. It was as if You were saying, “Yes, people are reading, and they’re encouraged and inspired—so keep writing.” Thank You, Lord, for Your quick and tender answers.

Then, Thursday morning, I got a call from another new woman who was referred to me! I love what You’re doing, Lord, and I pray for strength and energy to minister to each woman You bring my way. I’m meeting with her this week, and she’ll likely join our Thursday night group as we start a new study—Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I went through it last year and loved it, so I’m excited to do it again with the group.

On Saturday, I felt a bit discombobulated. I wanted to work out, but the weather report said rain, and I wasn’t sure how much exercise was wise during my fast. I went back and forth all morning and ended up not working out at all, which left me feeling “off.” Thankfully, I had plans to meet a couple of friends at Panera, and by the time we’d finished talking about the Lord and His awesomeness, my spirit was lifted.

That evening, Tom and I went to C and A’s house for a Valentine’s Day “dinner and worship night.” One of the couples there was the same pair that CA referred us to last year about our “couples retreat” vision—they run a ministry called Job’s Retreat! I never called them last year because we weren’t sure what God was doing with us or the house, but how amazing that He brought them to us now!

As we were all sharing about what God is doing in our lives, I could barely stay in my seat when I realized who they were. When it was our turn to share, I told them about the vision God gave us for a couples retreat. They were so excited! They said God had provided them with the opportunity to build a new house specifically for their retreat center, and they offered to let us use it once it’s finished. Wow, Lord—you really do weave everything together perfectly. Help us not to run ahead of You, but to wait on Your perfect timing.

February 16
The Inspiration of Spiritual Initiative
Ephesians 5:14: “for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."
Not all initiative, the willingness to take the first step, is inspired by God. Someone may say to you, "Get up and get going! Take your reluctance by the throat and throw it overboard --- just do what needs to be done!" That is what we mean by ordinary human initiative. But when the Spirit of God comes to us and says, in effect, "Get up and get going," suddenly we find that the initiative is inspired.

We all have many dreams and aspirations when we are young, but sooner or later we realize we have no power to accomplish them. We cannot do the things we long to do, so our tendency is to think of our dreams and aspirations as dead. But God comes and says to us, "Arise from the dead . . . ." When God sends His inspiration, it comes to us with such miraculous power that we are able to "arise from the dead" and do the impossible. The remarkable thing about spiritual initiative is that the life and power comes after we "get up and get going." God does not give us overcoming life --- He gives us life as we overcome. When the inspiration of God comes, and He says, "Arise from the dead . . . ," we have to get ourselves up; God will not lift us up. Our Lord said to the man with the withered hand, "Stretch out your hand" (Mat_12:13). As soon as the man did so, his hand was healed. But he had to take the initiative. If we will take the initiative to overcome, we will find that we have the inspiration of God, because He immediately gives us the power of life.

Today is E’s birthday, though we celebrated yesterday as a family. She wanted to take the kids bowling, so we had such a fun time watching them bowl for the first time in a real alley instead of on the Wii! I think she enjoyed the day, though it was bittersweet with Rob gone and A not there. I was glad Tom and I could be with her, though I wish I could’ve done even more. She loved her birthday calendar, though—thank You, Lord, for that small joy.

Lord, I pray You’ll be her companion and her strength during this difficult time while her husband is away and her brother is finding his way.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Provision, Correction, and the Sound of the Waves

The Lord is so great in how He blesses us in such cool and unexpected ways! I met with one of the new women last week in her clothing store during a slow period, and she felt led to bless me with a new pair of pants—some very cool cords! Once again, I was surprised and completely caught off guard, but I felt so special that the Lord would think of me and bless me in such a tangible way. Two of my four pairs of jeans have holes in the knees that I’ve patched, so I’m thrilled to have a nice pair of pants to wear now.

And the blessings just keep coming from unexpected sources. God’s Word is so true when He says:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” — Matthew 6:25–26

He has proven Himself faithful to us in this area again and again!

This week also brought a test of obedience. The Lord instructed me to “pull back” from one of the women I work with for a time—and not to accept any money or gifts from her. Well, the very next time I met with her, I mentioned how I’d been learning to eat raw foods and wanted to try sprouting grains. She immediately offered to buy the grains for me!

For a moment I hesitated, reasoning that it wasn’t “money,” so maybe it was okay. But deep down I knew it wasn’t. Before leaving, I took the list back and told her the Lord had instructed me not to accept her gift. I realized part of my struggle was selfishness—I wanted to try those recipes but didn’t have the money to buy the ingredients. I’m thankful I listened to the Lord and obeyed. I know His provision will come, in His perfect timing, and I just need to wait.

Then came another gentle correction. A friend loaned me her RAW UN-cook Book, and I became completely absorbed—devouring every recipe and idea! When KM emailed asking how my fast was going and what God was doing, I realized I hadn’t been focusing on that part of the fast for a while. I’d been so focused on the food that I’d forgotten the spiritual part. When we met the next morning, she told me she had just heard a message that said, “If you’re focused on the food, you’re doing it wrong.” Another big DOH! Thank You, Lord, for Your loving corrections and for refocusing my heart.

Yesterday’s eye appointment went well. The Services for the Blind program covered my visit—praise the Lord!—though no additional tests were approved yet. The tech said she would submit a request for a visual field test, and if it’s denied, they’ll do it using the $40 credit on my account. Such kindness! My eye pressure was in the low 20s (down from 38—thank You, Jesus!), and the doctor even gave me two more sets of sample drops, worth $360. God continues to show His faithfulness in every detail.

Tom, however, has been sick so much this month. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m praying for the Lord to touch his body and restore his strength in Jesus’ name.

We talked with KW this past Sunday, and he asked for some new “God stories.” At first, I couldn’t think of any offhand. Then Tom shared the tire story, and suddenly several others came to mind. It made me realize how much more obvious God’s miracles seemed when we were living week-to-week, depending on Him for everything. Now that things are more stable, His provision almost feels normal.

Lord, help me never to take You for granted. You are always working, always providing, always near.

It’s like when you first go to the beach—the sound of the waves, the smell of salt in the air, the sea breeze—all so fresh and wonderful. But after a while, you stop hearing the ocean, stop noticing the smell, and the breeze just becomes part of the background.

Father, I want to always hear Your waves, smell Your presence, and feel the breeze of Your Spirit. Keep my heart tender and my eyes open to Your goodness every day.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Standing Firm and Staying Connected

I have always known that Satan “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8), and that we should be alert to his schemes — but he is a very crafty devil! I thank the Lord that “the one who is in {us} is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4)!

I know that Tom and I are not “special,” but the ministry the Lord has given us places us in a unique and vulnerable position to be noticed by the enemy a little more. Our ministry focuses on helping couples with their marriages, yet it seems like our marriage is constantly under attack and struggling. What is up with that?

It happens so slowly and subtly, and before we know it, we’re both unhappy and angry with each other over the same old things. Satan’s tricks don’t change—he just keeps hitting the weak spots we haven’t fully surrendered. Pride and arrogance can make me think we should be immune to these attacks, but it’s humbling when we find ourselves in this same battle again. Thankfully, the Lord helps us recognize the real enemy, repent, and stand together to fight Satan instead of each other. Thank You, Lord, for Your grace and forgiveness—and for always helping us back to our feet.

So yes, that probably gives away that Tom and I haven’t been doing well these last couple of months. But yesterday, we finally got everything out in the open, worked through it, and now we’re back on track—at least for a while, Lord willing!

While reading through the Bible this week, Joshua 4:24 stood out to me:

“He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the Lord is powerful and so that you might always fear the Lord your God.”

I think the Lord allows certain things to come against us so we’ll realize that we can’t do anything on our own—we need Him to help us up and straighten things out. Otherwise, we might continue thinking we can manage without Him. We need to always remember that “the hand of the Lord is powerful,” and that we are not.

Last Thursday night I had such a cool experience! I was preparing for my women’s group at TB’s house when the phone rang. Normally, I wouldn’t answer it, but it came up as TB’s son’s name, so I thought I should pick it up. It turned out to be his father! He was so kind and asked a lot about what we were doing and why we were staying there. The Holy Spirit completely led that conversation—I was able to witness to him, and at the end, he even let me pray for him! I may never know what seeds were planted that night, but I know the Lord orchestrated that divine appointment.

Friday night, Tom and I joined our group for the grand opening of The Worship Center in Raleigh. We were a little hesitant because we’re both sensitive to anything that feels “churchy” or institutional, but we decided to give it a chance. I prayed throughout the day for my heart to be right and that I’d be able to worship, no matter the setting. The Lord answered that prayer. The evening was good—not as Spirit-led as I hoped, but still meaningful. I don’t think we’ll return, but I pray the Lord uses that place powerfully to heal hearts and draw people to Him, and that the enemy won’t turn it into a place of religious bondage.

Saturday, we spent the day with W. It was rainy and cold, so we brought him here to see where we live. He had a great time playing Risk with Papa, TB, and his family. Later, we visited A and C to deliver their china from storage and see their new home—it was lovely and full of memories.

I finally got in a good workout Friday morning, but I overdid it a bit, and by Sunday, I was fighting a cold. Thankfully, I’m feeling better now.

We even got more snow on Monday! It didn’t stick to the roads, but the trees and grass were covered in white. Everything looked so beautiful—it’s easy to say that since we don’t get it often!

This week, I started reading a new devotional called The Vine, which focuses on John 15, where Jesus talks about being the Vine, the Father being the gardener, and us being the branches. One part really struck me:

“What a life would come to us if we only consented to be branches! Dear child of God, learn the lesson. You have but one thing to do: Only be a branch—nothing more, nothing less! Just be a branch; Christ will be the Vine that gives all. And the Husbandman, the mighty God, who made the Vine what it is, will as surely make the branch what it ought to be.”

Oh, how I pray that truth takes root in my spirit—that all I need to do is be the branch and let God do the rest. I keep trying to do things that aren’t mine to do. Jesus, please help me to stay focused on what You have called me to do, and help me do it with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength—for You.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Provision, Pruning, and the Preparation of the Heart

God is enough. I don’t need anything more than what He provides each day, and I have all I need for today. Thank you, Lord, for Your provision!

Lately, the enemy has been trying to get me to think that we don’t have “enough.” It’s such a worldly mindset that causes us to worry about “tomorrow” — whether we have enough in savings, retirement, or even in the pantry. Satan instills fear and doubt about God’s goodness and His ability to care for His children. But I know the Lord wants us to come to that deep place of trust where we believe He will provide what we need when we need it — and if He doesn’t, then we really didn’t need it.

We are learning to rely on Him more and more each day, not on what we have “in reserve.” It has been a difficult but freeing transition.

The Lord did such a sweet thing for G last week. On Monday, she told me she was craving Shrimp Creole but couldn’t make it because F doesn’t like shrimp, and she always cooks meals they can both enjoy. Then on Wednesday night, CB called out of the blue and asked if we needed any food. Normally, I’d say no — I’ve always felt that her donations should go to people more “in need” — but this time I felt led to say yes.

She had just received a large food donation from a church and didn’t know what to do with it all, so she gave us a care package: green beans, beef tips, and — Shrimp Creole! It was such a “God thing.” I was able to surprise G with it the next day, and the look on her face was priceless. God heard her small desire and delighted to bless her through it. I was also able to share food with TB and his family, my Thursday group, and E and her neighbor. The Lord multiplied the blessing and fed many!

I also finished my 40-day raw food fast on the 12th, and physically, I feel great. Spiritually, though, I can’t say I’ve had any big revelations. If anything, I’ve felt somewhat stuck — even hardened or discouraged — and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s hormones, the dreary weather, or that I focused more on the food aspect of the fast than on the Lord Himself. Perhaps I’ve allowed “food” to become a kind of idol again. Lord, I am so sorry.

While thinking about all this, I remembered the show Ninja Warriors that Tom watched — the one with the obstacle course where each stage tested a different kind of strength. Many competitors flew through the first few stages only to fall into the mud before finishing. Spiritually, that’s how I feel right now. We made it through the hardest parts — losing the house and cars, moving multiple times, telling family what happened — but now, after things have settled, I feel muddy and weary.

I know in my head that the enemy is trying to discourage me and that my feelings don’t reflect the truth, but it’s hard to shake. Lord, please help me see beyond my feelings and trust in Your perfect plan.

I also sense a shift coming in our lives and ministry. E and R plan to move to Colorado after his deployment so their kids can be near family. That will be a hard goodbye since we spend so much time together, but we understand their decision.

Then, a few interesting things happened recently that make me wonder what the Lord is preparing us for. A friend reached out about a prayer house in England that needs hosts for a year. The founders plan to come to the U.S. to help start an International House of Prayer. It sounded intriguing, though I don’t think it’s for us — still, it stirred something in my heart.

A few days later, during a movie night with friends, another couple shared their vision for an orphanage in Guatemala. As they spoke, my heart was deeply moved. I could imagine myself helping there, mentoring kids and showing them God’s love. As they talked, though, I noticed my heart fading a little from our current ministry. It felt like God was gently preparing my heart for something new.

The first obstacle, of course, is that we still don’t have passports. I remember waking from that dream months ago with the word “International” impressed on my heart. I printed the application back then, believing God would provide in His timing — but we’re still waiting. Tom isn’t feeling the same pull I am, but he does sense that a shift is coming.

I’m not sure where any of this is heading, but I trust that God will make everything clear in His perfect time.

This week’s devotion really spoke to me:

March 11, 2009: The True Vine

Dear disciple of Jesus, however young or feeble, hear the voice. “You are the branch.” You must be nothing less. Let no false humility, no carnal fear of sacrifice, no unbelieving doubts as to what you feel able for, keep you back from saying: “I will be a branch, with all that may mean—a branch, very feeble, but yet as like the Vine as can be, for I am of the same nature, and receive of the same spirit. A branch, utterly helpless, and yet just as manifestly set apart before God and men, as wholly given up to the work of bearing fruit, as the Vine itself. A branch, nothing in myself, and yet resting and rejoicing in the faith that knows that He will provide for all. Yes, by His grace, I will be nothing less than a branch, and all He means it to be, that through me, He may bring forth His fruit.”

You are the branch.—You need be nothing more. You need not for one single moment of the day take upon you the responsibility of the Vine. You need not leave the place of entire dependence and unbounded confidence. You need, least of all, to be anxious as to how you are to understand the mystery, or fulfill its conditions, or work out its blessed aim. The Vine will give all and work all. The Father, the Husbandman, watches over your union with and growth in the Vine. You need be nothing more than a branch. Only a branch! Let that be your watchword; it will lead in the path of continual surrender to Christ’s working, of true obedience to His every command, of joyful expectancy of all His grace.

Also that day’s excerpt from Oswald:

"Though it tarries, wait for it . . ." (Hab_2:3). We cannot bring the vision to fulfillment through our own efforts, but must live under its inspiration until it fulfills itself. We try to be so practical that we forget the vision. At the very beginning we saw the vision but did not wait for it. We rushed off to do our practical work, and once the vision was fulfilled we could no longer even see it. Waiting for a vision that "tarries" is the true test of our faithfulness to God. It is at the risk of our own soul's welfare that we get caught up in practical busy-work, only to miss the fulfillment of the vision.

Watch for the storms of God. The only way God plants His saints is through the whirlwind of His storms. Will you be proven to be an empty pod with no seed inside? That will depend on whether or not you are actually living in the light of the vision you have seen. Let God send you out through His storm, and don't go until He does. If you select your own spot to be planted, you will prove yourself to be an unproductive, empty pod. However, if you allow God to plant you, you will "bear much fruit" (Joh_15:8).

It’s so hard to wait in the day-to-day waiting.

Lord, help me rest and wait on You — and Your perfect timing — to be planted and bear fruit. I don’t want to keep running ahead of You.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Learning to Rest in His Rhythm

I still feel like the Lord is asking me to back off from “doing” so many things and to start saying “no” to new requests. I haven’t pursued any new appointments lately and have been spending more time with Tom, with the Lord, and on other things I never had time for before.

This morning, I felt like the Lord confirmed what He’s been teaching me. Tom was reading from Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, and one of the lies she addresses is, “I don’t have enough time to do everything I need to do.” Nancy reminds us that we still have the same amount of time we’ve always had—24 hours in a day and 7 days a week—and that there was once a time when people managed their days without being constantly stressed or burned out.

She also points to the life of Jesus, who accomplished the salvation of the world in just over 30 years! He was able to do this because He only did what His Father in heaven asked Him to do. If Jesus had tried to meet every request from the disciples, the religious leaders, and the crowds around Him, He would have been as drained as we sometimes feel. Satan loves to keep God’s people so busy that they can’t hear—or do—what He truly wants.

Lord, help me to live like Jesus did: focused, obedient, and at peace. I only want to do what my Father in heaven wants me to do. I pray against the spirit of busyness and against the guilt that creeps in when I don’t feel “productive.” Help me to stay centered on You and Your priorities in my life. Amen.

This week, the Lord gave us a neat little gift of provision. We weren’t planning to file our income taxes for last year since I hadn’t earned the minimum amount to file (I only worked part-time from home until February 6th). But we remembered that I had cashed out my 401k early last year, so we decided to go ahead and file—and it turns out we’ll be getting money back! Tom’s dad said it’s best to file regardless, so the IRS doesn’t get suspicious, which makes sense.

God is so faithful to provide in the most unexpected ways! This will allow us to take care of some car maintenance and catch up on a few needs that have been in “wait mode.” We may even have enough for Tom to attend the family reunion in California in May—but first, we’ll take care of the priorities.

C’s parents had given us some gift certificates for a seafood restaurant at Christmas, but there weren’t any local locations listed. One day I finally remembered to check online, and while doing that, I noticed the certificates expired 90 days after being issued (December 18th)! I did a quick calculation and realized they would expire in just three days—on March 15th!

So, I called A and C to see if they wanted to join us for a spontaneous dinner, and thankfully, they were available. We met at the Raleigh location and had such a nice evening together. Sometimes the spur-of-the-moment gatherings end up being even sweeter than the planned ones.

Lately, I’ve also been having some strange “world disaster” dreams again. I’m not sure why—they might just be my imagination running wild—but I noticed they happened around this same time last year. Maybe there’s something about springtime that stirs them up? Lord, You know. Please show me if there’s any significance to them or if I just need to rest my mind in You.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Learning to Walk Humbly and Listen Deeply

I feel like I’ve been back in “God-school” this past week—learning some really powerful but really hard things. Today I met KM for lunch and prayer, and I feel like God finally broke through something in me. But before I get to that, He showed me something yesterday during my Discovery Bible Study that I had never noticed before in Matthew 11:29:

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

It hit me that humility is the key to rest. When we become like Jesus—gentle and humble in heart—that is where true soul rest is found. So KM and I were talking about this, and she brought up Micah 6:8:

“…and what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”

As she shared, conviction started flooding in. Humility is not something I’ve been walking in lately. The Lord began showing me the ways I speak and act that reveal how far I’ve drifted from humility.

When we were praying at the end, I started to pray—as I always do—“Lord, do whatever You need to do to get our husbands where they need to be…” But the Spirit stopped me mid-sentence. Instead, I prayed, “Lord… do whatever You need to do to me to make me the humble servant and woman of God I need to be—for You and for my husband.”

And honestly, I think heaven erupted. I could almost hear the Spirit saying, “Finally!” and the angels singing “Hallelujah!” It was a breakthrough moment. I’ve been battling a self-righteous attitude for so long, and it’s even been leaking into my prayers. But today, I think the Lord got through.

Then I came home and read Oswald, and the confirmation continued:

“Do we not see God at work in our circumstances? Dark times are allowed… Are we prepared to let God do what He wants with us?”

Oh Lord—yes. Please do whatever You need to do in me so I can bear fruit that brings You glory.

This has been a tough week for E and R and the kids. R was home for a week before being deployed to Iraq. He was very sick, but they savored every minute together. We watched the kids on Saturday so they could have some time alone. Saying goodbye Wednesday night was heartbreaking. Lord, please keep Your hand of protection over them.

It’s also been a tough week for marriages. Saturday morning I got a call from a friend in tears, devastated over her marriage. Saturday night, another friend emailed saying her husband wanted a divorce. Monday night—another call, another broken heart, another husband saying he was “done.” It feels like the enemy is targeting marriages left and right.

By God’s grace, Tom and I have been doing better. We’ve been making intentional choices—more time together, more time in the Word, more worship.

Because of all the crisis calls this week, I’ve felt a stronger pull toward intercession—especially for marriages. Interestingly, Oswald’s devotions lately have all been about interceding. Once again, His timing is perfect.

I’m still learning what it means to do only what my Father in heaven wants me to do. I’m spending less time running around and more time at home with God and with Tom. I feel a little more grounded, a little more at peace.

In one of my study times this week (I’m working through Matthew), another phrase grabbed my heart—Matthew 10:8:

“Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give.”

I used to hear this through a financial lens. Now I sense the spiritual meaning: God has freely poured into me—so I must freely pour into others. But only in the ways He directs and in His timing. The theme of “only doing what the Father wants” keeps coming up. The more I obey, the more He shows me. It’s exciting to see new things in His Word and then watch Him confirm them through people, Scriptures, or devotionals. He is so faithful.

We also received some encouraging financial news. We were able to handle all the necessary expenses and still had enough left to buy tickets for the family reunion in CA this May! Originally, we thought only Tom could go, but airfare was so low he was able to get tickets for both of us. I’m looking forward to it. Lord, help us be good witnesses while we’re there.

On a different note—I got a jury summons for the 16th! I had one years ago, around 2000 or 2001, so I guess it’s my turn again. It should make life interesting since we only have one car. But the Lord will work it out. Funny thing—I don’t remember Tom ever getting a summons. Things that make you go “Hmmmm.”