Saturday, April 4, 2009

Learning to Walk Humbly and Listen Deeply

I feel like I’ve been back in “God-school” this past week—learning some really powerful but really hard things. Today I met KM for lunch and prayer, and I feel like God finally broke through something in me. But before I get to that, He showed me something yesterday during my Discovery Bible Study that I had never noticed before in Matthew 11:29:

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

It hit me that humility is the key to rest. When we become like Jesus—gentle and humble in heart—that is where true soul rest is found. So KM and I were talking about this, and she brought up Micah 6:8:

“…and what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”

As she shared, conviction started flooding in. Humility is not something I’ve been walking in lately. The Lord began showing me the ways I speak and act that reveal how far I’ve drifted from humility.

When we were praying at the end, I started to pray—as I always do—“Lord, do whatever You need to do to get our husbands where they need to be…” But the Spirit stopped me mid-sentence. Instead, I prayed, “Lord… do whatever You need to do to me to make me the humble servant and woman of God I need to be—for You and for my husband.”

And honestly, I think heaven erupted. I could almost hear the Spirit saying, “Finally!” and the angels singing “Hallelujah!” It was a breakthrough moment. I’ve been battling a self-righteous attitude for so long, and it’s even been leaking into my prayers. But today, I think the Lord got through.

Then I came home and read Oswald, and the confirmation continued:

“Do we not see God at work in our circumstances? Dark times are allowed… Are we prepared to let God do what He wants with us?”

Oh Lord—yes. Please do whatever You need to do in me so I can bear fruit that brings You glory.

This has been a tough week for E and R and the kids. R was home for a week before being deployed to Iraq. He was very sick, but they savored every minute together. We watched the kids on Saturday so they could have some time alone. Saying goodbye Wednesday night was heartbreaking. Lord, please keep Your hand of protection over them.

It’s also been a tough week for marriages. Saturday morning I got a call from a friend in tears, devastated over her marriage. Saturday night, another friend emailed saying her husband wanted a divorce. Monday night—another call, another broken heart, another husband saying he was “done.” It feels like the enemy is targeting marriages left and right.

By God’s grace, Tom and I have been doing better. We’ve been making intentional choices—more time together, more time in the Word, more worship.

Because of all the crisis calls this week, I’ve felt a stronger pull toward intercession—especially for marriages. Interestingly, Oswald’s devotions lately have all been about interceding. Once again, His timing is perfect.

I’m still learning what it means to do only what my Father in heaven wants me to do. I’m spending less time running around and more time at home with God and with Tom. I feel a little more grounded, a little more at peace.

In one of my study times this week (I’m working through Matthew), another phrase grabbed my heart—Matthew 10:8:

“Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give.”

I used to hear this through a financial lens. Now I sense the spiritual meaning: God has freely poured into me—so I must freely pour into others. But only in the ways He directs and in His timing. The theme of “only doing what the Father wants” keeps coming up. The more I obey, the more He shows me. It’s exciting to see new things in His Word and then watch Him confirm them through people, Scriptures, or devotionals. He is so faithful.

We also received some encouraging financial news. We were able to handle all the necessary expenses and still had enough left to buy tickets for the family reunion in CA this May! Originally, we thought only Tom could go, but airfare was so low he was able to get tickets for both of us. I’m looking forward to it. Lord, help us be good witnesses while we’re there.

On a different note—I got a jury summons for the 16th! I had one years ago, around 2000 or 2001, so I guess it’s my turn again. It should make life interesting since we only have one car. But the Lord will work it out. Funny thing—I don’t remember Tom ever getting a summons. Things that make you go “Hmmmm.”