Saturday, April 26, 2008

Little Surprises & Big Revelations

This morning, Tom found another $20 bill under his keyboard!

Thank You, Jesus, for these little surprises and sweet reminders that You are always here, always providing.

I love how He does this—not just meeting our needs, but doing it in a way that makes us smile.

---

For years, I had server nightmares after leaving the restaurant industry. It was always the same—chaos, stress, and being completely unprepared.

At first, the dreams were all about:

• Too many customers, too few supplies—no glasses, ice, or beverages.

• Not having my uniform, apron, change purse, or even shoes!

• Not knowing my schedule—wandering around unsure if I was even supposed to be working.

Then something began to shift.

• Suddenly, I had all my supplies, but I didn't know my section.

• Then last night… something amazing happened.

I was waiting tables effortlessly, anticipating customers' needs, joking with them, and completely in the zone. No stress. No panic. Just peace and control.

How ironic!

When I was in control of my life, working hard and handling everything myself, my dreams were completely out of control.

But now, when I have surrendered control to God, my dreams reflect order and peace.

What a powerful picture of what God is doing in me.

This whole journey—trusting Him, walking in faith, learning to let go—it’s shifting something deep inside. I no longer have to grasp for control because He already has it all under control.

---

Lord, I See What You're Saying

These dreams are Your way of showing me what You're doing in my heart. You are teaching me to:

• Trust Your provision instead of trying to force my own.

• Rest in Your control instead of fighting for mine.

• Move in peace and confidence instead of fear and uncertainty.

Lord, I surrender again today.

Take the "server nightmares" of my life, and turn them into "peaceful, in-the-zone" moments with You.

Thank You for restoring order where there was once only chaos.

Thank You for the sweet reminders—in dreams, in little surprises under keyboards, in every moment—that You are always here, leading the way.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Faith Over Fear & Flying in Freedom

No Fear!!

This morning, we helped A & C a little with their move—though A mostly wanted to surprise C with a little party, so there wasn’t much to do. I was able to pack and clean the kitchen while we waited for the timing of the surprise to line up. Then we went to C’s grandmother’s house for a nice BBQ and celebration.

Later, at A & C’s Kingdom Growth Guide meeting, we talked about how God asks us to do things that don’t make sense. I brought up Abraham and Isaac, and someone said:

"His faith surpassed his fear."

Then A pulled out Oswald Chambers' devotional for the day, and wouldn’t you know it—it was all about Abraham’s faith and God purifying it through testing!

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April 26 - The Supreme Climb

"Take your son, your dearly loved only son Isaac, and go to the land of Moriah and give him as a burned offering on one of the mountains of which I will give you knowledge." Genesis 22:2

Oswald wrote:

• Abraham’s faith had to surpass his own understanding.

• God used the test to purify Abraham’s faith and remove traditional beliefs that misrepresented Him.

• If we obey God sincerely, He will lead us into deeper knowledge of Himself.

"Abraham was not devoted to his own convictions—he was devoted to God."

And that’s the key, isn’t it?

It’s so easy to hold onto our own understanding of what God is doing, but true faith is trusting Him beyond what makes sense. I feel like I am finally stepping into that place—where my faith in God is surpassing my fear.

Lord, I see what You’re doing.
You are purifying my faith—teaching me to trust You fully, even when I don’t understand.
Thank You, Jesus!

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I’ve been dreaming a lot about flying lately.

Last night, I was soaring all over the place, and I actually got to the point where I could control it and fly at will! It felt amazing—so free, so light, so effortless.

I need to look up the meaning of flying in dreams again, but I have a feeling God is showing me something…

Could it be that as I release control and trust Him more, I am experiencing the freedom of faith?

Lord, I don’t want to just trust You—I want to fly with You.
Teach me to live in faith over fear and to walk (or fly!) in the freedom You have for me.

How cool is this journey?!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Total Surrender & The Passport Reminder

What You Will Get

"And thou—thou seekest for thee great things—do not seek, for lo, I am bringing in evil on all flesh—an affirmation of Jehovah—and I have given to thee thy life for a spoil, in all places whither thou goest." Jeremiah 45:5

This is a firm and unshakable truth for those who trust in the Lord—

"I will give your life to you as a prize."

Nothing matters more than this! Not possessions, not blessings, not even the things we think are "great" in life. Those things will come and go, but our life in Christ is secure—untouchable, unshaken, hidden in Him.

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The Test of True Surrender

"Are you prepared to let God take you into total oneness with Himself, paying no more attention to what you call the great things of life?"

That question hit me hard.

Do I truly trust Him? Or am I still holding onto my own ideas, my own expectations, my own sense of control?

The true test of surrender is when I stop asking "what about this?" and simply trust.

• No more questioning.

• No more speculating.

• No more trying to figure out how God will work things out.

If I completely surrender, He will give me my life as a prize.

And that’s the most freeing place to be!

---

The Passport Reminder

God has been keeping the passport idea in front of me, and I know it’s not a coincidence.

1. P strongly encouraged us to get one—saying all Christians should have one.

2. A called, needing help with his passport application.

3. We helped A move, and he showed us his newly arrived passport.

4. Driving past Walgreens, and what’s on their sign? Passport photos available.

Okay, Lord, I hear You loud and clear!

I keep thinking, "But I don’t have the money to process it..."
And I feel like God is saying, "Just fill it out in faith and trust Me with the rest."

So that’s what I’ll do.

Lord, I surrender even this.
I will walk in obedience, even when I can’t see how it will all come together.
You are my provider. I trust You!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Praise Train & Joyful Uncertainty

P and I were emailing back and forth yesterday and on one of his replies he sent me this vision and said that the Lord gave it to him as he was about to reply to my email:

I see a "Praise Train". It is full of His children, everyone is running around singing, laughing, enjoying the presence of the Holy Spirit who is up front inviting His children to sit on His lap as HE controls the train from the front. 

The Lord would say His train is moving forward, a train of great Joy, on a marvelous journey. He is the source of ALL power for every journey. We are to enjoy the trip, look out the windows at all of His mighty works, the lands, the mountains, the skies, the mighty rivers, the birds of the air and most of all the WIND. 

The WIND which blows at will, from the direction that we can not see coming. It is none the less there even if we can not see it. The Lord would say that His winds of Glory, Provision, Joy, Revelation and Direction are coming.

This was very cool because it helped me to remember to “look out the window and enjoy the ride”!! I realized I was sinking into a “funk” and wasn’t enjoying the ride very much. 

Thank you Lord for this reminder! You are in control and I am not. Your ways are good and your plan is perfect. Please help me to enjoy the ride and not worry, doubt, fear or get frustrated with my husband!

I had another “world disaster/crisis” dream last night and it is interesting that Paul’s vision was about a train because my dream had a train as well.

I was in a multistory office building and all of a sudden there was a huge earthquake. Everything was destroyed and there were many hurt people. I was not hurt at all. I managed to get outside after a while and everything was in devastation. 

The sky was dark and full of ominous clouds that looked like they were pregnant with “doom and disaster”. 

In the horizon I saw a line of people traveling very slowly, drudgingly in the same direction. They were very downcast and wounded. I decided to go ask them where they were going and they said they were going to a safer place. 

Then, the next thing I know, I am hanging onto the side of a train while I am talking with these people and when I am done, the train is going way too fast for me to jump off! I am hanging on for dear life before people can help me to get inside. 

When I finally get inside I am then faced with the fact that I have nothing with me and have not made arrangements for a place to sleep. The train was not a “passenger” train but more like a box car train and we had to find our own little area or corner to call our own and to sleep in.

Last night I went to CB’s “Mentor” meeting and I had a couple revelations. The first revelation was that I really have not had anyone speak into my life as a mentor except CB. As the ladies were talking they were realizing more and more how they had people speak into their lives that they hadn’t really thought of as mentors, but were actually mentors to them. And they would list them as women who helped them to be mothers or helped them to home school etc.

And as I thought about it, I realized that God has been my only mentor throughout my whole life! He has been the one who has really taught and guided me in every area and aspect of my life. It has only been lately that CB has been an encourager and has emailed and called me during this really tough time in my life. 

I realized that when I was praying for a mentor all these years I was behaving like the Israelites asking for a “king” when God was leading them, I had been asking for a mentor when God has been my mentor my whole life!

I am so sorry Lord for not seeing and realizing this truth. And then on top of that, he placed CB in my life and I was completely looking past her as a mentor too. Lord, thank you for your provision even when I miss it!!You are so good.

Oswald Chambers today:

Gracious Uncertainty

"My loved ones, now we are children of God, and at present it is not clear what we are to be. We are certain that at his revelation we will be like him; for we will see him as he is." 1 John 3:2

Our natural inclination is to be so precise --- trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next --- that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, "Well, what if I were in that circumstance?" We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.

Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life --- gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God --- it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, ". . . unless you . . . become as little children . . ." (Mat_18:3). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, ". . . believe also in Me" (Joh_14:1), not, "Believe certain things about Me". Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in --- but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.

Another WOW!! God, you are amazing in how you speak to us through this man! I wish I could completely get my mind wrapped around this concept and live it out every day!! 

Lord, I am VERY uncertain of our next step but I do know that you are God and you are good. Help me to be “joyfully uncertain” and look to you as a little child with complete trust and expectation of good things!!

Speaking of good things, we were blessed with another gift of $100.00 dollars today! Thank you, Jesus!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Faith, Perspective, and Letting Go

Well, today is the 1st of the month, and we still have no clue if or when we will get the rent money for this month. I woke up thinking that our life may be VERY different in the very near future! The last few days, I have been feeling like I am PMSing, but it certainly isn’t the time for it… well, now that I think about it and look at the calendar, maybe it is… time sure flies when you’re having fun!

Anyway, I have felt a little “off” lately.

CB sent me the Spirit of Prophecy this morning:

Small Straws In A Soft Wind by Marsha Burns — May 1, 2008:
In the process of time, you are ending a cycle that began about seven years ago. And, you will undergo an accelerated separation from the past that will create a division that cannot be bridged. Certainly, you will never be able to go back, nor should you look back. This chasm is ever widening, and your spiritual landscape is ever changing, but you can only move into the next phase of your existence as you have freedom to do so. Disappointments and regrets from the past can keep you bound and unable to progress, so now is the time to completely release everything that brought a sense of failure or reproach. Let go and be free, says the Lord.
"Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead." Philippians 3:13

It is interesting that seven years ago was when Tom started the Pure Desire ministry and when our marriage started turning around.

I have been struggling the last couple of days because I feel like Tom has been pulling away from me, “medicating” on basketball and other sports, as well as food again. He is staying up way too late, then taking naps during the day, and his schedule is all messed up. We haven’t been praying or worshiping together, and I have really needed that! I have tried so hard not to be unpleasant to be with (not always successfully!) and have really focused on praying for him more because I know he is under a huge amount of pressure.

Well, today, when he came home from his morning meeting, he got on his knees and asked me to forgive him for not leading me spiritually the way he should have been! Wow, thank you, Jesus! He had a good time with the Lord this morning, and I am guessing he was feeling convicted about his poor choices.

Father, I pray that we can both stay on track and continue to look at You and not our circumstances!

One of the things Tom said was that he needed to keep the right perspective as a “servant/slave” and not demand that God give him an answer. He has been so focused on how people see him and worrying about disappointing others, but the bottom line is that we have to do what our Lord, Master, and King has asked us to do—no matter what others think or say. This is tough!

Oswald Chambers' Devotion for Today:

Faith — Not Emotion

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7

For a while, we are fully aware of God's concern for us. But then, when God begins to use us in His work, we start to take on a pitiful look and talk only of our trials and difficulties. And all the while, God is trying to make us do our work as hidden people who are not in the spotlight.

None of us would be hidden spiritually if we could help it. Can we do our work when it seems that God has sealed up heaven? Some of us always want to be brightly illuminated saints with golden halos and the continual glow of inspiration, always surrounded by other saints of God. But a self-assured saint is of no value to God. He is abnormal, unfit for daily life, and completely unlike God.

We are here, not as immature angels, but as men and women, to do the work of this world. And we are to do it with an infinitely greater power to withstand the struggle because we have been born from above.

If we continually try to bring back those exceptional moments of inspiration, it is a sign that we do not truly want God. We become obsessed with the moments when God spoke to us before, insisting that He must do it again. But what God wants is for us to walk by faith.

How many of us have said, "I cannot do anything else until God appears to me?" He will never do it.

We must get up on our own—without any inspiration, without any sudden touch from God. Then comes our surprise, and we find ourselves exclaiming, "Why, He was there all the time, and I never knew it!"

Never live for those exceptional moments—they are surprises. God will give us His touches of inspiration only when He sees that we are not in danger of being led away by them.

We must never consider our moments of inspiration as the standard way of life.
Our work is our standard.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

A Week of Celebration, Revelation, and Heartbreak

I don’t even know where to begin… I suppose I’ll start with Hope Chapel’s 15th anniversary celebration on Sunday, the 4th. It was a great celebration! J and G were there, as well as W and F. It was so wonderful to see them and reconnect. We exchanged updated emails and agreed to get together soon to catch up. I still can’t believe it has been 15 years since we started Hope Chapel!

Monday, the 5th, was a great day! I met with MC, who recently returned from Haiti, and had a great visit with her. Then KM joined us for lunch, and we all took a walk around Johnston Lake. The day was beautiful, and I loved hanging out with my sisters in the Lord.

Monday morning, while I was in the shower and praying about our situation (since it was the fifth of the month and the rent would be past due), I had a thought and vision. It felt like the Lord was saying that this house has been a cocoon for us. While we have been here, He has been transforming us from caterpillars to butterflies, and now, we need to shed the cocoon to be free to fly wherever He needs us to go. That was very cool, and I felt it was confirmation that we needed to do what was necessary to shed the cocoon.

Later, while talking with MC, I mentioned that we still hadn’t paid the rent, and she said, “I wonder if there’s any ‘non-profit’ thing you could do in the house so you can stay?” When she said that, I immediately thought about when PJ suggested doing a ministry retreat center. I also remembered when M and L were here and how it felt like we were already experiencing what a couples retreat ministry could be like. Suddenly, I felt like maybe the Lord wanted us to do this couples retreat as a ‘bed and breakfast’ style ministry in this house! That thought lit a fire in me, and I was so excited for the rest of the day.

When I came home, I laid it all out for Tom. He was okay with it, but his mind immediately went into logistics mode, trying to figure out how we could make it work. So, we prayed about it, and Tom asked for confirmation from the Lord.

Seeking Wisdom and Direction

I felt like we needed to be proactive and call DM and SS to let them know where we stood with the rent. I didn’t want them to have to reach out to us first. I called DM to ask for advice about the ministry retreat idea, and she immediately went into "DM work mode", making sure we wouldn’t run into legal or insurance issues. So, we agreed to do our homework and meet for lunch on Wednesday to discuss it.

Then, I called A and C to run it by them. They felt like we were called to ministry but not in this house. They have been telling us since December that they felt we would be "nomadic", going from house to house and ministering to couples that way. So, we prayed and asked the Lord for clear direction.

Next, we called P and L since he originally planted the ‘couples retreat’ seed in my mind. P wanted so badly to bail us out financially for the month, but their own situation prevented that (thank you, Lord!). Instead, he felt they needed to come over and pray with us before he could discern the situation. We agreed to meet for breakfast on Tuesday morning.

I had a Tuesday lunch scheduled, but I really felt like the Lord wanted me to reschedule it, so I went ahead and canceled it on Monday night.

A Change of Heart

Tuesday morning, I woke up and started thinking about everything that had transpired on Monday. It was as if I had taken a "happy pill" the day before, and suddenly, reality set in. I wondered, What the heck was I thinking?! My perspective completely changed, and I felt horrible for sending DM on what now seemed like a wild goose chase down this ministry path.

One day, I was passionate, driven, and "all in", and the next day, it was completely gone.

P and L came over, and I shared my change of heart, apologizing for dragging them out here. But despite my feelings, we still had a wonderful time talking, praying, and worshiping together.

One thing P said that stuck with me was that the Lord was telling us to do whatever was obviously in front of us to do. Unfortunately, what is obvious to me is different than what is obvious to Tom.

I was thinking we needed to sell everything and move out at the end of May.
Tom felt like we needed to trust God for provision and continue to wait.

This is the first time we have not been on the same page all year, and it’s very disconcerting to both of us.

A Divine Appointment

While we were praying, I felt like the Lord was telling me to go to P and L’s house and help her paint their garage—they were converting it into a "praise room." Then, I realized that this was why the Lord wanted me to reschedule my lunch!

So, I went home with them and spent four hours painting, then helped L prepare for the "Upper Room" meeting that night.

A Night of Worship… and Tragedy

The meeting was going well, and the Holy Spirit showed up in a powerful way! Two people were prayed for, and the anointing was strong.

Then, P walked to the table for his anointing oil. He wobbled slightly, chuckled as he fell to his knees, and said either "Jesus" or "Oh, God" before falling face down on the floor.

As it turned out, he went to meet his Maker right in front of us.

Two nurses were at the meeting (one a cardiac nurse), and they immediately tried to revive him. They worked for almost an hour, but he must have had a massive heart attack because they could not resuscitate him.

It was the most traumatic thing I’ve experienced in a very long time. We were shocked and amazed that we had just witnessed it all.

L was incredible. She stayed level-headed and composed for most of the time. We were there until 1:30 a.m., and even when we got home, I couldn’t sleep until about 3:30 a.m.

Grieving, Processing, and Uncertainty

Needless to say, Wednesday morning was a blur. I canceled my morning meeting and my lunch with SS and DM, and instead, Tom and I picked up A and spent the day with her. I was able to cry and grieve a little, but probably not as much as I should.

Tom and I are still reeling from this traumatic event while also feeling confused about what to do with the house.

I have been PMSing, and Tom has been stressing, and that combination never works well.

I am trying very hard to pray for Tom and trust that God will give him clarity. I want to stick to my commitment not to take action until Tom feels led by the Lord.

This has been a very difficult thing to do, to say the least. Lord, help us keep our eyes on You!

Here is Oswald’s devotion for today… as usual, it is very appropriate!

The Faith to Persevere

"Because you have kept My command to persevere . . ." —Revelation 3:10

Perseverance means more than endurance— more than simply holding on until the end. A saint’s life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, but our Lord continues to stretch and strain, and every once in a while the saint says, "I can’t take any more." Yet God pays no attention; He goes on stretching until His purpose is in sight, and then He lets the arrow fly. Entrust yourself to God’s hands. Is there something in your life for which you need perseverance right now? Maintain your intimate relationship with Jesus Christ through the perseverance of faith. Proclaim as Job did, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" ( Job 13:15 ).

Faith is not some weak and pitiful emotion, but is strong and vigorous confidence built on the fact that God is holy love. And even though you cannot see Him right now and cannot understand what He is doing, you know Him. Disaster occurs in your life when you lack the mental composure that comes from establishing yourself on the eternal truth that God is holy love. Faith is the supreme effort of your life— throwing yourself with abandon and total confidence upon God.

God ventured His all in Jesus Christ to save us, and now He wants us to venture our all with total abandoned confidence in Him. There are areas in our lives where that faith has not worked in us as yet— places still untouched by the life of God. There were none of those places in Jesus Christ’s life, and there are to be none in ours. Jesus prayed, "This is eternal life, that they may know You . . ." ( John 17:3 ). The real meaning of eternal life is a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering. If we will take this view, life will become one great romance— a glorious opportunity of seeing wonderful things all the time. God is disciplining us to get us into this central place of power.