Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Places, People, and Provision

Today was an A Day 😊

It was funny—when we pulled up to DD’s house, she said, “I remember this house!” It struck me then… the last time we had her, we were house-sitting, and before that, we were here. No wonder she didn’t quite know where we were going to land next! It must feel strange for the kids—not knowing where we will be from week to week.

That got me thinking… maybe we can turn this into something fun. A little adventure. A kind of “Where’s Waldo?” for A and W instead of something confusing or discouraging. W has asked a couple of times when God is going to give us our own home again. We always say, “We don’t know yet, but we’re trusting He will—in His perfect timing.” And we really are.

Two really cool “people moments” have happened recently.

First—remember when I wrote about dreaming of Shan and trying to find her online? Well, while we were in California, I mentioned it to RF, one of Tom’s best friends (who even dated her once), and told him I had hit a dead end unless I was willing to pay for contact info. He did a little digging on his own and found a number. I finally worked up the nerve to call it on Monday and left a message. It was one of those pre-programmed recordings, so I wasn’t even sure if it was really her. But then—on Tuesday—she called back! I missed the call, but she left a message saying she got mine and that she’d love to connect sometime this weekend. We haven’t talked in over 16 years! I can’t wait to catch up and see what the Lord has done in her life.

Second—while we were at K and S’s a couple of weeks ago, we were chatting with a friend and asked if she had heard from KF (the young woman who lived with us in Cary during her New Life season). At the time, she hadn’t. But this past Sunday, she said she found her on Facebook and gave us her number! KF now has three-year-old twin boys, and hopefully, she’s still married. I'm so looking forward to hearing from her and seeing how her life has unfolded.

In the meantime, I’ve still been painting here at DD’s, a little at a time, and doing my best to keep up with the yard work. It’s slow but steady.

Also, a friend of mine just bought a repo house that needs a lot of painting, and she asked if Tom and I could help with the trim—definitely the most time-consuming part. She offered to pay us for it, and we’ll be starting that project this weekend. Yet another instance of God’s provision, I believe. At least, I pray it’s His provision and not me trying to “help God out.” I’ve felt a genuine peace with each of these opportunities, so I trust my spirit is in step with His.

I just want to stay in that place—leaning in, not striving—looking to the Lord for our provision instead of scrambling to manufacture it myself through a string of odd jobs. There’s such a fine line sometimes, but I know He’ll help me walk it.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Multiplying Paint, Confirming Words, and Divine Connections

Lots of very cool “God stuff” has been happening!

Thursday was packed—busy, but so powerful. I started the day painting the downstairs room at DD’s house, and I honestly believe I witnessed a miracle. We had barely enough paint for the first coat, and the room definitely needed a second one. I prayed and asked the Lord to multiply the paint, and as I stirred in a little water, I was surprised at how much there seemed to be. I truly believe He did it—because I managed to cover the entire room again, and there were even about two tablespoons left over. Thank you, Jesus!

After that, I headed to G and F’s house to cook for them. F wasn’t doing well at all. While I was cooking, I put on a worship CD and just worshiped and prayed over her. G had gone out for errands, so it was just F and me. I was concerned she might need emergency attention, but thankfully she began to feel better while I was there. I prayed with her before I left. Another simple but sacred moment.

Then I went to CB’s house to meet with some other women about our Tuesday night group. We opened the meeting in prayer, and while we were praying, I felt the Lord say, “You know L... she may not want to do this meeting anymore.” That caught me off guard, but as I sat with it, it made complete sense. So afterward, we gently asked her about her vision for the group—and sure enough, she shared that she felt the Lord was leading her in a different direction. God had already prepared us! From there, we spent the rest of the evening talking about what God is doing in each of our lives and ended in another deep time of prayer.

During that time, God gave me words and visions for each woman, and then He prompted me to have us hold hands. When we did, I felt this deep spiritual connection between us—like something sacred had knit us together. It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. Tom and I talked about it the next morning, and he said something that helped me put it into words. He said, “The Body of Christ will have an intimacy like a marriage relationship.” That was exactly it—a holy closeness, born of the Spirit. It was profound. Way cool, Lord.

After that, I picked up Tom and we headed to K and D’s for dinner. They prepared a feast for us, and we had a great time fellowshipping and sharing our hearts. It was the perfect end to a full and fruitful day. Praise You, Lord!

Friday was another day full of the Lord’s fingerprints.

I started with more painting—finishing the trim in that same room—while Tom was meeting with the guys. We had planned to check M’s repo house to see if she had left a check for us, which she had promised before going out of town. We didn’t have money for the lunches and breakfast we had scheduled, so I was hoping it would be there.

But then—God did something better.

When Tom came home, he said that as he was pulling out of the restaurant parking lot, one of the guys knocked on his car window. When he rolled it down, the man stuck $40 into Tom’s pocket and said, “This is a part of God’s plan.” What?! Thank You, Jesus! Immediately I thought, I bet the check won’t be there now—God already took care of it. And sure enough, when we went by the house later, there was no check. But our meal expenses had already been covered—just in a different way than I expected. God’s timing. God’s plan.

Later, I had lunch with S, one of the women from the HMI group in KM’s class. During our last meeting, I had shared a little of my testimony, and she was so intrigued and inspired that she wanted to know more. So we met and talked for a couple of hours. She’s hungry for the Lord and eager to experience everything God has for her.

I told her about BA’s prophetic group, and as it turned out, Tom and I were planning to go that very night. So she and her husband came along—and it was another divine appointment! Funny enough, her husband and Tom had actually met before at a men’s group when they first moved to the area. How cool is that?

God moved powerfully in the meeting. At one point, someone asked if anyone wanted to be baptized in the Holy Spirit and receive the gift of tongues. S raised her hand. They prayed over her, and she was laid out in the Spirit. I believe she received the gift, though she’s still unsure if it really happened.

Also, during the same meeting, a man named Preston gave a powerful word from the Lord over Tom. We recorded it and I wrote it down word-for-word:

“I hear the Lord saying that… a lot of times as believers, because we get in an environment where God begins to open our eyes to the supernatural and all the gifts of the Spirit, we always want a sign... [summary trimmed for length]

“Quit asking for a sign, quit asking for a word... He’s already told you and burned it in your spirit. Just like Jonah—who delayed because of what he thought others deserved—God says: make that three-day journey in one day spiritually. He’s already chosen you.”

There were some things we’re still praying through, but overall—it was powerful and spot on.

Saturday was a good day too. We had breakfast with K and S and had a great time talking about what the Lord is doing in our lives. We left the restaurant full—physically and spiritually.

Later, I met a friend at Apex Park for a walk and some heart-to-heart time. After I returned home, Shan called! We were able to catch up after all these years. We talked about our lives, our kids, and even had a chance to chat with her husband (a minister). She seems deeply involved in the work of the Lord, and I’m so thankful for the chance to reconnect. I’m hopeful this is the beginning of re-establishing a meaningful friendship.

I spent the rest of the day in the yard clearing grass and weeds out of another flower bed. Honestly… I’m pooped. Emotionally and physically. But deeply, deeply grateful.

Oh! One last thing—my friend had her baby, and the “stats” were too amazing not to share:

Micah was born at exactly 8:00 PM, on 8/28/08, weighing 8 lbs 8 oz! What are the odds?? I have a feeling this child will be very special.

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Thank You, Jesus, for Your miracles—big and small. Thank You for multiplying, providing, speaking, guiding, and surrounding us with people who love You. Thank You for Your Holy Spirit. Thank You for Your faithfulness as we walk this journey day by day. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Couches, Conflicts, and Confirmation

This week flew by. I’ve spent most of my days painting for M & J—32 hours so far! I am exhausted.

Last week was so full of amazing God moments that I caught myself looking over my shoulder, half-expecting the enemy to pounce—and sure enough, Tuesday night, he did. Tom and I had a bit of a conflict. I knew immediately who was behind it, but Tom couldn’t shake it, and we ended up spending the evening in separate rooms. I went to bed feeling really sad that we had allowed the enemy to rob us of that time together. That heaviness lingered into Wednesday and showed up in my attitude about painting.

On Monday, I had called CT to check on her house situation. She had put in an offer, and it turns out she got it and already closed! She said she needed help painting before moving in and wondered if I could take a look. So, on Wednesday, she came by and brought me to see the house. Truthfully, it wasn’t the best day for me—tired from painting, still emotionally worn from the previous night, and just plain weary. But her house was beautiful! She really just wanted to change the colors to better suit her furniture and taste.

I forgot to mention something in my last entry: After that Thursday meeting with the girls, I started sensing that God was saying it was time for Tom and me to start the house church. It didn’t make much sense since the house isn’t officially ours, and it doesn’t feel “secure.” But I couldn’t shake that feeling. When I mentioned it to Tom, he was uncertain, understandably concerned about our unstable housing situation.

Then came the confirmation. KM had emailed me after our Thursday gathering, saying the Lord had revealed something to her and that she really wanted to share it with me. So on Tuesday, she came to help me paint and talk. She told me that she felt the Lord was saying it was time for Tom and me to start the house church, and that she and her husband were supposed to help us. I just stared at her, stunned. Wow.

And then, as if that wasn’t enough confirmation, on Sunday, DD—who owns the house we’re staying in—told Tom he had taken the house off the rental market and that we could stay as long as God provided financially. Another wow! It all started making sense. We now know why we’ve been feeling like it’s “time.”

So, with that in mind, we began looking at the house differently—as a place to gather and host. The only thing is, we didn’t really have a decent couch. While CT was talking about her new house, she mentioned her current couch was too big. I asked if she was planning to sell it, and she said she had decided to just give it away—and asked if we wanted it! A sleeper sofa, no less. Then she added, “Would you like the chair that goes with it, too?” Yes, please!

Later, I was telling MF about all of this, and she mentioned she had a couple of tables she needed to get rid of because they wouldn’t fit in her new space. Did we want them? Absolutely. God not only provided the house—but now the furniture to go with it.

As for my tired and emotional state on Wednesday, I later realized… it was PMS. It all made more sense. I ended up calling CT and told her that while I wasn’t ready to commit to painting, I’d love to keep the door open if my schedule allows.

Now, we just need to let DD know about the house church plans. The cool part is that a year ago, when we first shared our vision, he was the one who offered his house as a meeting place. How incredible that one year later, we’re actually living here—and now ready to start hosting!

Last night’s meeting at B and C’s was amazing again. The group is really getting comfortable and in tune with each other, and the gifts of the Spirit are flowing in powerful ways. Part of me wants to duplicate that exact experience in our own house church, but I know I need to lay that desire down and let God lead. His plan will be better than anything I could script.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

When the Winds Shift

Things seem to change pretty quickly around here anymore! I spoke with DD on Sunday about feeling like God is saying, “It’s time” to start the house church. He said, “Great! Where will it be?” And I sheepishly replied, “Your house…?” I explained what had transpired, and he shared that just that morning, he felt it was time to get serious about moving his stuff out and getting the house ready to rent. When I asked if he had taken the listing down, he said he decided to keep the rental ad running continuously until the house actually rented.

I also brought up the furniture situation and asked if he could talk to L and let us know how they both felt before we moved forward with anything.

Then today, he calls Tom and says he just got laid off from his job. DOH!! He works in construction, and with the industry struggling right now, the company had to let him go. Thankfully, L hadn’t quit her job yet, so at least they still have one income. DD said he wants to meet with us tomorrow night to talk about where we all stand and what’s next.

I’ve been praying ever since I heard about his job loss—asking God to somehow, some way, provide so we can contribute rent or help with utilities. Right now, all we’re receiving is just enough to cover gas and groceries. That’s it.

Tom has been in a deep funk the last few days. At Sunday’s Acts Bible Study, D mentioned that we won’t be judged by what we do, but by our love for God. On Tuesday morning, Tom woke me up—he was an emotional wreck. He said that statement had been haunting him ever since, and he felt like he was “screwed.” He brought up some old wounds and regrets I thought we had worked through, and it broke my heart to see him so tormented.

I’ve been in constant prayer for him. Asking God to help him, to show him what He needs him to see. I believe there’s a purpose in this season and that God will work it out in His perfect time.

I’ve seen God come through too many times to doubt Him now. If we need to leave this house, I believe He will provide another place. But part of me wants to ask Tom if he’s happy. He doesn’t seem to be doing well. The ministry is also suffering because he’s struggling to feel worthy, motivated, or perhaps even clear about his role.

I have to remind myself constantly—Tom doesn’t have the gift of service, and he’s not a pastor. He’s a teacher. I keep expecting him to handle things the way I would: initiating, calling people, doing the physical work. But that’s not his wiring. I’m the one who wants to paint and do the yard work, and sometimes I wonder why he doesn’t… but again, that’s not his gifting. He does spend a lot of time studying and worshiping, and that’s good. Maybe he needs an outlet to teach again. I don’t know. Maybe this is me trying to “fix” him again, so I should probably just keep praying.

I also recognize the spiritual warfare heating up around us. It feels like the enemy is trying to discourage us from starting this house church. I need to remember who the real enemy is—it’s not my husband. It’s not the finances. It’s not our limitations. This is a spiritual battle, and I need to fight accordingly.

I’m almost done painting at M&J’s. If I can, I’ll swing by tomorrow and finish. If not, I think I’m officially done.

Lord, thank You for Your patience with me. Thank You for Your faithfulness, even when I’m not. Help us keep our eyes on You—not the circumstances. Don’t let us get distracted by the storm or the wind or the waves. Help us trust You with every detail of our lives and ministry. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Waiting, Working, and Wondering

To follow up on our meeting with DD, he pretty much reiterated what he’s expressed before. His financial situation is rocky right now. They need to maintain the payments on the house they’re living in, so if funds are short, this house we’re in will feel it first. He mentioned he needs to rent it out as soon as possible, and since he’s no longer working, he’ll be coming over more to help spruce it up and get it ready.

We told him we’re praying constantly that God would provide enough for us to contribute toward the cost of staying here. He said he doesn’t feel like we’re “soaking” him (thank you, Jesus!) and encouraged us to keep doing what God has called us to do. We ended in prayer and committed to continue taking it one day at a time, trusting the Lord for strength and wisdom as He reveals His perfect plan.

Then, the very next day, we got an email from DD asking us to “Please Help” with the utilities because they have doubled since we moved in. (Sounds like the bill just arrived!) I let him know again that we want to help with all our hearts, but until the Lord provides, our hands are tied. It’s hard because my heart so badly wants to do something for them—but I also know that God’s plan is perfect and He already knows what each of us needs.

On a brighter note, I finished painting at M&J’s on Thursday, and they surprised us with a $150 check. Praise You, Jesus! That was such a blessing. We were out of gas, and our phone and car insurance bills were due—plus we needed groceries. That money covered everything except the phone bill. It was exactly what we needed for the moment. God's timing, again.

On Friday, S and S invited us to their house for dinner (since our regular Bible study class was off), and we had a wonderful time of fellowship. She made a fantastic meal, and it was such a sweet time to share our testimonies and our hearts for the Lord.

Saturday, I worked in the yard for about four hours before we went to A and C’s for the Kingdom Growth Guide meeting. We brought H with us, which I’m so thankful for. She’s incredibly hungry for the Lord and eager to connect with people and groups in this area. I’m especially glad she came because the next morning—Sunday—she was in a serious car accident. I was able to call CB and ask for prayer immediately. Praise God, H and the other person involved are okay. Her car was totaled, and it’s truly a miracle that they weren’t more seriously hurt. She’s very sore, and the other driver had burns on his hand from the airbag, but overall they are alright. Thank you, Lord, for your protection.

I’ll be starting painting at CT’s house tomorrow and will be there three days this week. I’m praying for the strength and energy I need to do it well.

Tom is continuing to grow in the Word, and the Holy Spirit is revealing so much to him. It’s really amazing to watch.

As far as the house church goes… we haven’t really made any moves yet. I’m not even sure what the next step should be. We’ve tried to get together with K and P, but their schedules have been packed. Maybe for now, all we need to do is keep laying the foundation of prayer and trust God to lead the way.

Thank you again, Lord, for your faithfulness. You are so good to us.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Questions, Confirmations, and Quiet Courage

Today we walked a couple through the house who were interested in renting. They seemed pretty serious and requested a move-in date during the first week of October. We’re scheduled to meet with D and L again on Tuesday to talk about “God’s plan for this house” and the timeline, so we’ll see what comes of that.

I’ve been painting at CT’s house and feeling a bit overwhelmed. There’s still so much left to do and not much time to do it in! Oh well—I'll do what I can and leave the rest to CT. :)

H and her mom took me out to lunch on Friday, which was really sweet. It was nice to meet her mom in person. She even gave me some flowers as a “thank you” for caring for H last Sunday after the accident. H also came to the Friday night group and seemed to really enjoy it.

Oh yeah—SK passed through NC on his way to Georgia and took us out to dinner Tuesday night. It was so great to see him again! We had a wonderful evening full of rich conversation, just sharing what the Lord has been doing in our lives. He was also able to attend the Acts Bible Study this morning on his way back to DC. I pray he was truly blessed by the Word shared today.

Yesterday we went to E and M’s reception and later celebrated LB’s birthday. It was such a good time of connecting, talking, and just being around people we love. One of the women at D and L’s pulled us aside during the evening and said she was really encouraged by our walk and our example. She told us that the Lord was “singing over us” with His love and approval. Wow. Thank You, Lord, for that sweet word of encouragement. It came at just the right time.

Tom has really been struggling again lately. It’s hard for him not to know “the plan” and to trust God without seeing it laid out clearly. And it’s hard for me to see him like this—so unsure, weighed down. I just want to fix it, to make it better somehow. But I keep praying, “Lord, he’s Yours. You know what he needs.”

CB let me borrow her copy of The Shack, and I’m about halfway through it now. Wow—what a powerful book! It’s emotionally tough in the beginning, but the author’s depiction of the Trinity is so creative and meaningful. It’s unique, but also deeply profound. God is definitely speaking to me through it—reminding me of His love and sovereignty in new ways.

We still haven’t heard anything more about the house church, and with DD possibly renting the house out, I honestly have no idea what or where God’s plan is going.

I think, in some ways, I’m still “medicating” by doing things, and Tom is medicating by not doing things… maybe we balance each other out? Lol.

I love You, Lord. Thank You for Your provision—every single day.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Moving Again—But Not Without a Plan

We met with D and L for lunch as planned on Tuesday (yesterday), and the couple who walked through the house decided they want to rent it. Since they initially requested to move in by the first—but said they could wait until the 15th—D and L asked us to be out by Monday. That way, they’d have enough time to work on the house and pack up their belongings before the renters move in.

When I mentioned to E on Sunday night (with H sitting nearby) that we might be asked to move by the first, H immediately offered for us to stay with her. I thanked her from the bottom of my heart but asked her to pray about it to be sure this was what God wanted.

On Tuesday, after our meeting, she asked how it went. I shared our deadline with her, and she was thrilled—she said she wished we were already moved in! I reminded her again to make sure this was the Lord’s leading, and she assured me she had prayed and was sure. She said it’s been really hard for her to be alone lately, and the idea of coming home to an empty house is deeply depressing to her. She’s genuinely excited to have some company for a while. She even set a tentative timeline of January to revisit the situation. Her plan is to fix up the house and then eventually have a renter upstairs where we’ll be staying.

Once again, God has provided! Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness and provision. I truly pray that we’ll be a blessing to H during this season as well.

I’m still painting at CT’s and now only have two days to finish two rooms and some trim… so this should be very interesting!