Thursday, January 24, 2008

Standing Firm in Uncertainty

As of 11:56 a.m., we still haven’t heard anything regarding the house. Chase Home Finance left a message yesterday, but we haven’t returned the call yet. I’m still believing in God’s miracles.

Last night, we had K and S over for dinner and had a wonderful time of fellowship—talking about the Lord and all that He is doing around us.

Earlier in the day, I met with a group of women, and it was a powerful time of sharing our hearts. I mentioned the Mentoring book I’m reading and invited them to join us Monday night. However, we decided it would be better to discuss the book during our regular meetings rather than adding another night to our schedules.

At first, nothing really stood out to me in my devotional time, so I planned to keep today’s entry short.

But then, at 12:37 p.m., everything changed.

I got off the phone with SS, who is now tentatively the new owner of this house—pending final financing on February 8th. He requested that if we can’t rent from him, we need to be out by February 15th.

And now, I sit here wondering how I should feel.

I don’t want to panic or doubt or react based on what I see or hear. But the thoughts creep in…

"Maybe we got this all wrong."
"Are we basing our faith on something God never actually said?"
"Is this all for nothing?"
"Was the pastor right, and we were wrong?"

Right before SS called, I was reading the story of Jehoshaphat, and when I returned to it, this scripture jumped out at me:

2 Chronicles 20:15-17

"Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's... You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you... Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you."

I don’t know if I can apply this directly to our situation, but I feel encouraged by it.

Of course, we’d love to stay in this home. SS even said we could buy it back from him later if we wanted to. But I don’t really care about the house itself—I just want to be in His will and not my own.

And still… I sense that this isn’t over yet.

Someone recently mentioned the “birthing” analogy to us, and they reminded us about the labor pains that come before a birth. Maybe that’s where we are right now—right in the middle of those pains.

Whatever happens, we give You all the Praise, Glory, and Honor, Lord!

---

Father,

I pray that Your Holy Spirit will be with us in a mighty and powerful way in these next few days. Show us how to move forward—should we stay, or should we go?

Either way, we surrender to Your will.

Help us not to make decisions based on doubt, fear, or anxiety, but on faith, trust, and confidence in Your power, promises, and Word.

We are Your humble servants, and we are in Your hands.

Amen.

---

A friend sent me this beautiful devotional on patience yesterday:

Exercising patience isn’t just an act of human will. The kind of patience Paul speaks of is a fruit of the Spirit, developed in a woman’s soul in tandem with God. It grows from her confidence in the sovereignty of God—knowing He will bring all things to completion, in His timing, in a way that benefits His children and glorifies Him.

Yes, Lord. I choose to trust You.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Faith in the Storm

God is so good! Thank You, Jesus, for Your faithfulness—even when we are weak and faltering.

Last night, we had a dinner scheduled, and it was exactly what we needed. If we had spent the evening alone, we could have gone down a dark emotional and mental road. But God, in His perfect timing, made sure we had this dinner pre-arranged, knowing ahead of time what we would need.

I have to admit, I was struggling more than I would like to. So, we’ve decided to fast and pray this weekend—asking God for direction. Should we start packing? Or should we stand firm and believe that God will still provide?

---

CB mentioned a family that runs With Love from Jesus—a ministry that relies completely on the Lord for their daily needs. They don’t receive salaries or have any other income, yet God provides for them every single day. That resonated deeply with me. So, I reached out, and we’re trying to set up a time to meet for coffee.

---

Lately, a scripture has been rolling around in my heart—one of our favorites from James 1:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..."

And then this part in James 1:6-7:

“But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.”

That hit me hard.

I have been that wave. Blown and tossed by the wind. Lord, forgive me for my doubt and fear. Help me to stand firm and set my face like flint as I lean into the storm.

---

A friend sent us this encouraging word:

Small Straws In A Soft Wind – Marsha Burns (Jan 25, 2008)

Even though it seems like you've been swimming upstream or perhaps walking through Jell-O, keep pushing. Your extreme efforts to break through will pay off. The test is whether or not you will give up in the face of adversity.

You may not feel tough, but My strength is made perfect in your weakness. Let Me come alongside you to carry the burden, says the Lord.

Then, she forwarded a note from her husband:

I feel a couple of things: That Tom and Linda will be living a nomadic existence for a while, going from home to home—planting seeds for organic churches. That their possessions will mostly be sold or given away. That they will have many options, and whatever they choose, the Lord will bless.

It’s funny because Tom and I had joked about this idea early on—putting a whole new spin on house church by staying with people, working with them in their marriages and walks with the Lord. We weren’t sure if that was God’s plan, but now… maybe?

---

Faith Confirmed Again

Tom came home from lunch today and told me about an amazing experience.

On his way back, he listened to a program called “Living on the Edge”, and the speaker was saying exactly what we’ve been hearing from God! He found the recording online and played it for me.

The message? "It is impossible to please God without FAITH."

The speaker walked through Hebrews—including the very passage God gave us weeks ago:

Hebrews 10:35 – 11:1

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.

For in just a very little while, ‘He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.’

But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for…”

It was so cool to hear this confirmation—to hear God reminding us once again:

"Do not be afraid—just believe."
"Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
"Do what I called you to do, and I will take care of the rest."
"Be still and see the deliverance I will bring you today."

---

God requires just one thing from us: FAITH.

And He rewards it. There are 422 references to the faithfulness of God and His people. Clearly, faith matters to God.

And so, I choose to stand firm. 

I choose to trust. 

I choose faith.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Be Still and Know

Yesterday was one of the hardest days yet.

When I look through my spiritual eyes, I can see God at work. He has made Himself known in so many ways. But yesterday, I wasn’t looking through spiritual eyes—I was looking through human ones. And what I saw scared me.

I felt like we had really messed up and were in big trouble. I felt defeated, depressed. What was I even thinking? How did I ever believe I could do what I felt God called me to do?

For a moment, I wanted to go back—to something familiar, something safe. Maybe I should just go back to waiting tables and forget all about believing and trusting in the Lord. After all, He hadn’t done anything up to this point, so why should I expect Him to suddenly come in and rescue us now? My faith and hope felt misguided, misplaced—like I had been silly to believe.

I was just exhausted. And PMSing. So, overall, last night was rough.

On our way home from dinner with friends, I tried to process everything. I knew, deep down, I was being attacked spiritually—full force. And knowing that, I determined to fight back. I put on my armor and started repeating Beth Moore’s Believing God mantra:

God is who He says He is.
God can do what He says He can do.
I am who God says I am.
I can do all things through Christ.
God’s Word is alive and active in me.
I’m believing God.

And when I wasn’t repeating that, I prayed for the women I had met with earlier that day. I refused to let my thoughts be consumed by fear and doubt. Instead, I turned them to prayer and praise.

That night, I had two dreams.

In the first one, I was in a public bathroom, counting a large stack of money that wasn’t mine. My sister walked in. Knowing her struggles, I immediately told her to stay away from the money. She acted like she had no intention of taking anything, but then—just as I expected—she reached out, grabbed a bill, and started walking away.

I grabbed her arm. “I know you took something—give it back.”

She resisted but eventually handed over a single dollar bill.

“I know you took more than that,” I said. “Give it all back.”

She reluctantly did, but as soon as she left, a group of her friends poured into the bathroom and started taking more money. No matter what I said or did, they ignored me and kept grabbing what they wanted. It was frustrating and helpless.

Then, in the second dream, I was hiding in another bathroom—playing a game of hide and seek. I perched on a booster-like seat, facing the wall, thinking that if I couldn’t see them, they couldn’t see me.

I heard people enter, and I prayed they wouldn’t check my stall. But soon, I realized they weren’t looking for me—they had their own agenda.

I turned around and saw a woman leaning on my stall door, watching me with no concern. Then, I noticed that a woman I knew from work was in the next stall, trying to abort her baby, and all the other women were there to help her do it.

I begged and pleaded with her to stop, but she was determined.

I woke up crying.

Lying there in bed, the word control came to mind.

That was it.

Both of my dreams had the same theme—I felt completely and totally out of control.

I had no say over what was happening.
I couldn’t stop it.
I couldn’t fix it.

So I prayed, Lord, forgive me for trying to take control again. Give me the strength to fully surrender and trust You.

And as I did, the weight I had been carrying lifted.

This morning, I woke up feeling lighter.

Then, I got an email from CB. She told me that as she was praying for me, the Lord led her to a website with these scriptures:

Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – Exodus 14:13-14

"Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s... You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you... Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.” – 2 Chronicles 20:14-17

"Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD will hear when I call to him. In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent... Offer right sacrifices and trust in the LORD." – Psalms 4:3-5

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." – Psalms 46:10-11

When I read those verses, I started crying.

The first verse? That’s the exact one I had been holding onto.
The second? That’s the verse I was reading when we got the call about the house.

Then, CB sent me K-LOVE’s Encouraging Word for the Day:

"Those who listen to instruction will prosper; those who trust the LORD will be joyful." – Proverbs 16:20

And just like that, God spoke directly to my heart.

Even in my doubt.
Even in my fear.
Even when I was tempted to give up.

He was still there.
He was still speaking.
He was still faithful.

Tom and I read something from Oswald Chambers the other day that struck us deeply. I couldn’t find the exact wording again, but the message was clear:

"Unless you are completely and wholly relying on God for everything in your life, you will never truly know when He is gone"

And that’s exactly what I needed to hear.

I don’t have to be in control.
I don’t have to have all the answers.

I just need to surrender.
To be still.
To trust.

And to believe that God is who He says He is.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Violent Faith

I am still doing well.

Looking back, I realize I needed to go through that tough day on Saturday. It was humbling—but necessary. I’ve always said I could leave everything behind in a heartbeat, but deep down, I wondered if that was really true. Saturday showed me the truth, and it wasn’t pretty. I saw how deeply attached I was to the things in this house, how much I didn’t want to part with them. It embarrassed me. I had always thought my heart was free, unattached. But when I was forced to consider actually walking away, I found resistance inside me I didn’t even know was there.

God is still saying, Wait. We don’t feel led to pack or make any moves—only to seek Him daily and follow His leading.

Last night, I went to the mentoring class at CB’s and had a great time getting to know some ladies I hadn’t met before. Afterward, I stayed and talked with CB and her husband, AB, about my dreams, trying to see if there was anything deeper I needed to understand. AB pointed out something I hadn’t considered—the public bathroom in my dream was a public place where private things happen. Then, regarding the abortion dream, he said something that stopped me in my tracks. He suggested it could be a picture of what was happening in the church—“spiritual abortions.”

I wasn’t sure how to process that. It was deep. Heavy. And I wasn’t sure yet if I agreed.

CB then shared that she had been praying about whether or not to send me her devotionals. But after something I said, she felt confirmation that she should.

She sent me these:

The Trumpet by Bill Burns — January 28, 2008:
"Beloved, above all things I would have you to prosper. It is My will for you to prosper spiritually, to prosper in your soul, and to prosper in the strength and health of your body. My kingdom is one of prosperity; I hold all things in My hands and I distribute according to your needs, desires, and your faith. Come into this season fully expecting to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. If you will believe and go forth with expectation and a violent faith, you will surely receive all that I have for you, says the Lord."

Small Straws in a Soft Wind by Marsha Burns — January 28, 2008:
"When things do not work out the way you anticipated, go back to the proverbial drawing board. Re-evaluate what you know; separate the facts from your own presumptions and draw a line of distinction. Then, rethink your position and what you are willing to do and wait for My leading. Truly I am not surprised at your current situation," says the Lord, "nor am I without power to move you from where you are into the flow of My Spirit if you will only yield."

Isaiah 59:1 "Behold, the LORD'S hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear."

The phrase violent faith jumped out at me. I couldn’t quite picture it—what does violent faith even look like? I shared it with Tom, and he immediately zeroed in on it too. Later that night, he was watching The Matrix, and the Lord was showing him things about faith through the movie.

This morning, while Tom was out at his breakfast meetings, I got on the treadmill to work out. As I walked, I started speaking the Believing God mantra out loud. Then, I started praying in tongues—softly at first, then louder. Before I knew it, I was yelling, crying, proclaiming, rebuking, shouting in determination—maybe this was violent faith?

I felt something shift inside me.

A deep, unshakable resolve rose up.

I was done being pushed around. Done being tossed by every wave of doubt, fear, and uncertainty. I reached down into a place inside me I hadn’t tapped into before and shook it in the face of the enemy.

I kept praying—loudly, boldly, in tongues and in English. I prayed for Tom, for the kids, for our family, for the people we’re ministering to. For marriages in our church, for our neighborhood, our city, our state, the world.

I kept walking. Kept running.

For almost an hour—three and a half miles—I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. I knew that if I stopped moving, the power I was feeling would start to fade.

By the end, I was exhausted—emotionally, physically—but spiritually, I felt alive. Strong. Like I had shifted into a different spiritual gear I had never used before.

Thank you, Jesus.

Later, we went to D and L’s house to talk and share what God was doing. They are believing with us for our debt to be paid off and praying that we will continue to be led by the Lord every day.

While we were there, a girl came over to cut D’s hair. She listened to our story, and then L turned to her and said, “I think she might have something to say.”

She hesitated for a moment, then spoke:

"I’m sensing the Lord saying that you guys are being obedient and to continue to wait."

Then, she said the word Kairos.

She repeated it a few times, explaining that it means active waiting with emphasis. I looked it up later and found this:

A time when conditions are right for the accomplishment of a crucial action; the opportune and decisive moment.

It was another God appointment. Another confirmation.

We are exactly where we need to be.

Waiting. Trusting. Expecting.

Praise You, Jesus.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Stepping Back

This week has been a rollercoaster.

On Wednesday, as I looked at my calendar and started making plans, I realized just how soon February 15th was. Only a week away. And with SS’s financing decision coming on the 8th, the stress started creeping in. If the financing goes through, that means we’ll have just a week to pack and move. But then—why does God keep telling us to wait? If everything is already decided, why does He continue to press pause instead of giving us something to do?

That tension—between trusting and needing a plan—felt heavy.

That afternoon, we met with a woman from With Love from Jesus, and we had a great conversation, sharing our stories. She said she didn’t have any red flags about our situation, but she reminded us that we can’t have expectations about how God will move. He will do His thing, but it may not look the way we think. And even if we’re wrong, He is the Great Redeemer. He will work it all out for His glory.

After we left, we picked up W from school, and the evening felt off. Maybe it was his mood—or maybe it was mine. When we dropped him off later, I opened up to Tom about my anxiety. I told him how I had been feeling all day, how overwhelmed I was by the looming dates and the uncertainty of it all. He listened, then told me he had an emergency plan—my 401k from Cogenics. If we needed to, we could cash it out, buy ourselves some time, and give ourselves some breathing room.

The moment he said it, I felt an enormous relief.

Then, almost immediately, I felt ashamed.

Why was my relief coming from knowing we had our own backup plan instead of trusting that God had one? Why did I feel peace when we had a way out—but not when I was trusting Him alone? Lord, why??

Maybe it’s because we don’t know what His plan is. Some moments, I feel like we’re not done here yet, like we still need to minister to our neighbors. Other moments, I know deep down this house is temporary, that we were never meant to stay here long-term. It’s like we are constantly standing at a fork in the road—do we take action, or do we trust Him? Do we get a job, or do we trust Him? Do we sell the house, or do we trust Him?

And yet, He knows our weakness. He has already accounted for it.

That night, after Tom went to bed, I stayed up doing a word search puzzle, thinking and praying. As I searched for words, I realized something—when I zoom in too close, when I focus on only a small part of the page, it’s so much harder to find what I’m looking for. But when I step back and take in the whole picture, the words become clear.

Pay attention to this, Linda, the Holy Spirit whispered. There’s a lesson here.

I paused.

I had been staring so intently at this week, at these decisions, at this moment of waiting, that I wasn’t seeing the whole picture. But when I pulled back—when I looked at everything God had done over these last nine months—I saw His faithfulness woven through every single moment.

I thought about the Israelites in the Old Testament, how desperately God wanted them to rely on Him alone for everything they needed. But they kept asking for a king, for a leader, for something tangible to trust instead. Over and over, it broke His heart.

And yet, here I am—doing the same thing.

I say I want to trust Him completely, but when the pressure builds, I instinctively reach for something I can control. Even though I know better. Even though I’ve seen His faithfulness.

So, I stepped back. I looked at the whole picture. And when I did, peace began to settle in again. Not because I had all the answers, but because I don’t need to have the answers.

Yesterday, I worked while Tom read to me. I spent the rest of the day in prayer, in quiet time, and listening to the Bible on CD. The pastor called and set up a meeting with us next Wednesday to go over our situation. That should be interesting.

And today?

Today, I finished work at Cogenics. We wrapped up billing quickly, and unless they need me for anything else—I’m done. Part of me feels a deep relief, but another part of me wants to hold on. Thankfully, that second part is much smaller than it used to be.

This morning, a friend sent us this devotional:

"This Thing is From Me"

"This thing is from Me." (1 Kings 12:24)

"Life’s disappointments are veiled love’s appointments." – Rev. C. A. Fox

"My child, I have a message for you today; let me whisper it in your ear, that it may gild with glory any storm clouds which may arise, and smooth the rough places upon which you may have to tread. It is short, only five words, but let them sink into your inmost soul; use them as a pillow upon which to rest your weary head. This thing is from Me…"

A simple but powerful reminder.

No matter how uncertain things feel, no matter how much I wrestle with trust, no matter how often I need to step back and refocus—He is still sovereign.

And this thing?

This thing is from Him.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Flipping the Switch

Today was another interesting day. I’m not sure how to describe how I’m feeling—just contemplative, a little vulnerable, and more emotional than usual.

Tom hasn’t been doing well. He’s not sleeping much, and this morning, he opened up about where he is spiritually and emotionally. In a way, he’s coming to the same realization I did a few days ago—the gap between what we say we’re willing to give up and what we’re actually ready to let go of. He knows, deep down, that he doesn’t want to lose everything. He likes his comfort. He doesn’t want to be inconvenienced. And perhaps most humbling of all, he’s realizing that his heart for the lost isn’t like the disciples’—not yet.

We talked about Peter stepping out of the boat, about what it must have felt like in that moment when faith took over and he walked on water. I imagined it—a switch in his mind flipping, cutting off every other thought except Jesus is there, and I am going to Him. No fear of the storm, no hesitation. Just pure, reckless abandon. I think I caught a glimpse of what that switch would feel like in my own heart…

Tom wants that. He wants that switch to flip in his own mind. But the way he sees it is different. He related it to battle, to war—how, in the heat of the fight, men suddenly realize it’s life or death. The switch flips when they see their comrades falling around them, when survival instinct takes over, when they understand they have no choice but to fight.

Then he said something that hit me hard:

"I don’t see anyone around me going down… No one else is doing what we are doing."

His words stayed with me the rest of the day. I’ve felt emotional, on the verge of tears, but I can’t quite put my finger on why. I was so exhausted that I had to lie down for a nap, but even then, I couldn’t tell you what drained me.

We had lunch with B and C today—the leaders of the Acts Bible Study. It was really nice. We shared the “Reader’s Digest” version of our story, and they shared some of theirs. They understood our struggle, the constant wondering: Are we crazy? Is this really God, or are we off track? The tension of knowing we are “bucking the norm” while also asking God daily to correct us if we’re wrong.

Afterward, we had a wonderful time of worship and prayer. Sitting in the presence of the Lord, letting His peace wash over me, was exactly what my soul needed.

Yesterday, I went to the Acts Bible Study (Tom wasn’t feeling well). A and C were there, and we prayed for their son, P (A&C's special needs son). NL felt especially led to pray for him, but when he stood up, he just started weeping. He couldn’t get any words out. So we all prayed in tongues, interceding for P. Then, one of the women gave a word in tongues about the Holy Spirit—how much He desires for us to walk in the power He has given us, and yet how little we actually take hold of it.

We could feel the heart of God in that moment, pleading with us to grasp the authority and power we have in Him, to walk in it fully.

Lord, I want that.

Teach me. Fill me. Use me. Heal me.

Flip the switch.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Help My Unbelief

God is so good.

On Tuesday, a friend sent me a devotional titled “Inconceivable” by Kelly McFadden. 

“But the angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.’”—Luke 1:29-33

In the movie The Princess Bride, the character Vizzini leads his ragtag group of criminals to kidnap Princess Buttercup. Along the way, Vizzini continues to call certain events “inconceivable”: that a ship is following them, that anyone would know their plot, that the man in black would be able to scale the Cliffs of Insanity, etc. Finally, Inigo – one of the criminals – looks at Vizzini and says, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Inconceivable is defined as “so unlikely or surprising as to have been thought impossible; unbelievable.” Just as for Vizzini, there are things in life that fit this description for me almost each day. There are things that seem impossible, but happen any way.

I think Mary originally felt that it was inconceivable when the angel told her she would be with child. Her first response was “How can this be so?” But it happened. Can you imagine her trying to explain this to her parents? What if a teenager came to you and said, I am still a virgin, but I am pregnant with the Savior of the world. INCONCEIVABLE! But, with God’s involvement, the inconceivable happens.

Somewhere, though, we too experience the inconceivable! When we encounter Jesus, suddenly what seems inconceivable is possible. In that encounter with God, we go from a lack of faith to faith, from disbelief to belief.

It seems impossible that God would come in flesh. He did. It seems impossible that He would live a sinless life. He did. It seems impossible that someone could be crucified as a sacrifice for our sins and raised from the dead three days later. It happened. How do I know? Because I have had a personal encounter with our Lord and realize that nothing is impossible with God. 

It was exactly what I needed to hear. The word inconceivable always reminds me of The Princess Bride, where Vizzini keeps using it incorrectly until Inigo Montoya finally says, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Lately, I feel like I’m in the days of labor pains—a spiritual battle where the enemy is doing everything he can to wear us down.

Wednesday morning, Tom and I were supposed to meet with the pastor, but as we were getting ready, I suddenly remembered someone mentioning he would be out of town. We hadn’t heard from his secretary, and Tom hadn’t received a confirmation email. I called and left a message, then sent an email. Turns out, the meeting never made it onto his calendar. A small mercy—we didn’t waste a long drive.

Later that day, we had A with us, and since it was a beautiful, warm day, we took full advantage of it at the park. The enemy tried so hard to stir up irritation in me toward Tom—old critical, judgmental thoughts creeping in. But I recognized them for what they were. I kept reminding myself: Look at the plank in your own eye first. Don’t fixate on what you think he should work on. It was a tough day, but not nearly as bad as it could have been.

That night, CT came over, and we talked for hours about our struggles, but also about how amazing God is. I love talking with her—she understands me, knows where I’ve been, and can see where I am now. Watching her grow in her walk with the Lord is incredible. This is my passion and desire—to see people set free from the enemy’s chains and bondage!

This morning, SS called to ask about the house. They need to show it to potential renters this weekend unless we decide to stay. I called him back and let him know—we’re staying. Because we haven’t heard the Lord say, “Go.”

Tom and I also decided to spend the weekend praying about whether to cash out the 401k. Another decision where we want to be fully surrendered.

On his way to meet RT this morning, Tom was railing at God again—angry, frustrated, demanding answers, then feeling bad and apologizing. But after his time with RT, he felt so much better. Driving home, he listened to a teaching on the radio about Mary Magdalene and how she was there at Jesus’ crucifixion, at His burial, and was the first to see Him after He rose. The angel asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?” (John 20:15). And it hit Tom—Why are we crying? Jesus has risen. He is alive. We have no reason to weep in hopelessness!

When he got home, we read our Oswald Chambers devotional together:

Spiritual Dejection

We were hoping that it was He who was going to redeem Israel. Indeed, besides all this, today is the third day since these things happened —Luke 24:21

Every fact that the disciples stated was right, but the conclusions they drew from those facts were wrong. Anything that has even a hint of dejection spiritually is always wrong. If I am depressed or burdened, I am to blame, not God or anyone else. Dejection stems from one of two sources— I have either satisfied a lust or I have not had it satisfied. In either case, dejection is the result. Lust means "I must have it at once." Spiritual lust causes me to demand an answer from God, instead of seeking God Himself who gives the answer. What have I been hoping or trusting God would do? Is today "the third day" and He has still not done what I expected? Am I therefore justified in being dejected and in blaming God? Whenever we insist that God should give us an answer to prayer we are off track. The purpose of prayer is that we get a hold of God, not of the answer. It is impossible to be well physically and to be dejected, because dejection is a sign of sickness. This is also true spiritually. Dejection spiritually is wrong, and we are always to blame for it.

We look for visions from heaven and for earth-shaking events to see God’s power. Even the fact that we are dejected is proof that we do this. Yet we never realize that all the time God is at work in our everyday events and in the people around us. If we will only obey, and do the task that He has placed closest to us, we will see Him. One of the most amazing revelations of God comes to us when we learn that it is in the everyday things of life that we realize the magnificent deity of Jesus Christ. 

Wow. All we could say was wow.

We had to read it two or three times because it was so profound. It spoke directly to where we’ve been—feeling discouraged when things don’t unfold the way we expected. But the truth is, spiritual dejection is always wrong. God is always working, even in the ordinary.

We look for signs, visions, and earth-shaking moments to prove He’s with us, but in reality, He is moving in our everyday lives. He calls us to simple obedience. Do what is right in front of you, and you will see Him.

God, you are so amazing in how you lovingly discipline us and set us straight!

CB sent me the below devotional today saying it reminded her of my day on the treadmill:

‘Help Me Not To Doubt’
by Jon Walker

“I do believe, but help me not to doubt!” (Mark 9:24, NLT)

Recently, I've been thinking my life verse should be Mark 9:24: “… I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (NIV)

I do believe, yet I have so much unbelief in my life. I walk in faith, yet my faith is often more in the things I see than the things I don’t see. I follow God, yet I repeatedly find myself stumbling down a path of my own choosing. Paul teaches this is a common disorder among Christians, but he also says the cure for our unbelief is, quite simply, to believe God.

In the midst of our complex negotiations with God on the subject of belief, Paul sums up the issue with one simple phrase: "Abraham believed God …." (Romans 4:3)

· Abraham believed God to be a loving Father;

· Abraham believed God wanted fellowship with him;

· Abraham believed God would speak with him;

· Abraham believed God would listen to him;

· Abraham believed God wanted to use him in a great mission;

· Abraham believed God knew more than he did when the childless patriarch was called to birth a great nation;

· Abraham believed God was telling him to go, even if it was to a land he did not know;

· Abraham believed God would guide and provide step-by-step.

· Abraham “went out, not knowing where he was going.” (Hebrews 11:8)

Abraham acted on his belief because he was in intimate fellowship with the Father, and this “up-close and personal” relationship showed Abraham that God could be trusted to do the things he said he would do and to fulfill the commitments he promised to complete.

Abraham believed God. Paul believed God. I believe; God, help me overcome my unbelief -- · I believe; help me live like I believe. · I believe; help me make decisions like I believe. · I believe, my Lord, you are trustworthy; help me to abandon my mythology that says I am more trustworthy than you.

“Living a life of faith means never knowing where you are being led,” writes the great saint Oswald Chambers. “But it does mean loving and knowing the One who is leading. It is literally a life of faith, not of understanding and reason – a life of knowing him who calls us to go.”

What does this mean?

· ‘Help my unbelief’ – You cannot work yourself up to greater belief; rather, your belief will deepen as you deepen your fellowship with God. Tell him, “I believe; help me overcome my unbelief.”

· Believe God, not yourself – As you face decisions today, ask yourself: “Is this decision based on my belief in God, or my belief in myself?”

· Move from ‘if’ to ‘of course’ – God's desire is that you to move from “if God can do this” to “of course, God can do this!” He doesn’t expect perfection from you; if you could be perfect, then Jesus needn’t have died on the cross. Even Abraham failed to believe God at points along his journey.

· Listen to Jesus – When we say, “Help me, if you can,” Jesus says, “If I can? Don’t you understand that everything is possible to you when you believe?” (Mark 9:21-23)

· Keep confessing – Lord, I believe; help me overcome my unbelief.

That’s what I need to do.

• I believe, but help me live like I believe.
• I believe, but help me make decisions like I believe.
• I believe You are trustworthy, Lord—help me abandon the false belief that I am more trustworthy than You.

Lord, I don’t want to just believe in You for the answers—I want to take hold of You, not just the outcome of my prayers.

I got confirmation today that yesterday (2/6/08) was my official termination date from Cogenics. Part of me feels sad, part of me relieved. I truly enjoyed my time there and learned so much. But I know—I had to cut my reliance on myself and fully trust in God’s provision. He gave me that job. He extended my time there. And now, He is asking me to trust Him completely.

I also heard from KT today. She’s been struggling with her health, and her grandmother is in the hospital. She’s dealing with her own challenges right now.

Lord, I lift her up to You.

Help me, Father, to focus on the day-to-day tasks You’ve given me, instead of obsessing over the bigger picture. You keep reminding us: Do what I’ve called you to do, and I will take care of the rest.

I believe, Lord. But please—help my unbelief.