I am still doing well.
Looking back, I realize I needed to go through that tough day on Saturday. It was humbling—but necessary. I’ve always said I could leave everything behind in a heartbeat, but deep down, I wondered if that was really true. Saturday showed me the truth, and it wasn’t pretty. I saw how deeply attached I was to the things in this house, how much I didn’t want to part with them. It embarrassed me. I had always thought my heart was free, unattached. But when I was forced to consider actually walking away, I found resistance inside me I didn’t even know was there.
God is still saying, Wait. We don’t feel led to pack or make any moves—only to seek Him daily and follow His leading.
Last night, I went to the mentoring class at CB’s and had a great time getting to know some ladies I hadn’t met before. Afterward, I stayed and talked with CB and her husband, AB, about my dreams, trying to see if there was anything deeper I needed to understand. AB pointed out something I hadn’t considered—the public bathroom in my dream was a public place where private things happen. Then, regarding the abortion dream, he said something that stopped me in my tracks. He suggested it could be a picture of what was happening in the church—“spiritual abortions.”
I wasn’t sure how to process that. It was deep. Heavy. And I wasn’t sure yet if I agreed.
CB then shared that she had been praying about whether or not to send me her devotionals. But after something I said, she felt confirmation that she should.
She sent me these:
The Trumpet by Bill Burns — January 28, 2008:
"Beloved, above all things I would have you to prosper. It is My will for you to prosper spiritually, to prosper in your soul, and to prosper in the strength and health of your body. My kingdom is one of prosperity; I hold all things in My hands and I distribute according to your needs, desires, and your faith. Come into this season fully expecting to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. If you will believe and go forth with expectation and a violent faith, you will surely receive all that I have for you, says the Lord."
Small Straws in a Soft Wind by Marsha Burns — January 28, 2008:
"When things do not work out the way you anticipated, go back to the proverbial drawing board. Re-evaluate what you know; separate the facts from your own presumptions and draw a line of distinction. Then, rethink your position and what you are willing to do and wait for My leading. Truly I am not surprised at your current situation," says the Lord, "nor am I without power to move you from where you are into the flow of My Spirit if you will only yield."
Isaiah 59:1 "Behold, the LORD'S hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear."
The phrase violent faith jumped out at me. I couldn’t quite picture it—what does violent faith even look like? I shared it with Tom, and he immediately zeroed in on it too. Later that night, he was watching The Matrix, and the Lord was showing him things about faith through the movie.
This morning, while Tom was out at his breakfast meetings, I got on the treadmill to work out. As I walked, I started speaking the Believing God mantra out loud. Then, I started praying in tongues—softly at first, then louder. Before I knew it, I was yelling, crying, proclaiming, rebuking, shouting in determination—maybe this was violent faith?
I felt something shift inside me.
A deep, unshakable resolve rose up.
I was done being pushed around. Done being tossed by every wave of doubt, fear, and uncertainty. I reached down into a place inside me I hadn’t tapped into before and shook it in the face of the enemy.
I kept praying—loudly, boldly, in tongues and in English. I prayed for Tom, for the kids, for our family, for the people we’re ministering to. For marriages in our church, for our neighborhood, our city, our state, the world.
I kept walking. Kept running.
For almost an hour—three and a half miles—I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. I knew that if I stopped moving, the power I was feeling would start to fade.
By the end, I was exhausted—emotionally, physically—but spiritually, I felt alive. Strong. Like I had shifted into a different spiritual gear I had never used before.
Thank you, Jesus.
Later, we went to D and L’s house to talk and share what God was doing. They are believing with us for our debt to be paid off and praying that we will continue to be led by the Lord every day.
While we were there, a girl came over to cut D’s hair. She listened to our story, and then L turned to her and said, “I think she might have something to say.”
She hesitated for a moment, then spoke:
"I’m sensing the Lord saying that you guys are being obedient and to continue to wait."
Then, she said the word Kairos.
She repeated it a few times, explaining that it means active waiting with emphasis. I looked it up later and found this:
A time when conditions are right for the accomplishment of a crucial action; the opportune and decisive moment.
It was another God appointment. Another confirmation.
We are exactly where we need to be.
Waiting. Trusting. Expecting.
Praise You, Jesus.
No comments:
Post a Comment