Thursday, August 23, 2007

 

Trusting God Through the Fire

Yesterday, Chase Bank (second mortgage) called my work phone while I was at lunch. When I got the message, I called Tom, and he helped me get my heart and attitude in the right place before I returned the call. I struggle with being a people pleaser—I hate disappointing others or making them upset. After taking a deep breath, I called them back.

I spoke with a woman named Betty, who was kind and understanding. She shared that she was a Christian and understood the importance of prayer and testing of faith, though she also explained that she had a job to do and needed to ask about our efforts to resolve the situation. Despite the difficult topic, I felt God’s grace in our conversation.

When I got home, Tom had been reflecting on Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He said, “They can threaten us with all kinds of things that would harm us, but our God can save us. And even if He doesn’t, we will not bow down and worship any other God.” We agreed: we’ll have to go through the fire, and it may get hotter before it’s over.

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Scriptures for Strength

This morning, I felt led to spend more time memorizing and meditating on the scriptures God has given us recently. I asked Tom to email the scripture document to both my work and home accounts so I could review it. I spent time reflecting on the verses and journaling my thoughts.

Here are the scriptures that encouraged me today:

Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

1 John 3:1-3
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure."

God, you are so good. Please forgive me for the times I struggle, doubt, and fear. I long to trust you with my whole heart, but I often fall short. I know there’s a purpose in going through the fire. Help me, Lord, to one day “consider it pure joy.” Be my strength in my weakness. Amen.

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Another Call from Chase Bank

Later, Chase Bank called again, and I spoke with a different person. After explaining everything again, she stressed the seriousness of the situation and asked about immediate resolutions. I assured her I understood and wished I could fix it, but there’s nothing I can do right now.

She transferred me to her supervisor, Anthony. He explained that if a broker is sent to our home, there’s no turning back. He offered to extend the timeframe until the end of the month and even reduced the amount we needed to pay, but he asked for a promise that we’d have the money. I told him I couldn’t promise something I wasn’t sure I could fulfill, as I don’t know what God will do.

While on hold for over 35 minutes (before my phone died), I felt emotionally drained. But in that moment, God reminded me, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?” My heart was calmed, and I thought about the scriptures I had reviewed earlier.

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A Lesson in Trust

Yesterday morning, while making breakfast, God asked me if I trusted Him. I said, “Yes, Lord, I trust you.” He asked again, “Do you trust me?” I replied, “Yes, Lord, I trust you.” Then He asked a third time, “Do you trust me?” I couldn’t help but laugh and think of when Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him three times.

But it made me reflect—do I really trust God? I realized that my trust has often been tied to expecting Him to do what I want, in the way and timing that I think makes sense. True trust means trusting Him no matter what, even if His plans differ from mine. It’s like the scene in Facing the Giants when the woman is asked if she would still love God if He didn’t give her a baby.

Yes, Lord, I will trust You, even if You don’t save our house.

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A Divine Opportunity

I asked my coworker for a ride home today so Tom wouldn’t have to drive all the way to pick me up. This opened the door for me to share what’s going on in my life. My coworker seemed supportive and understanding, though I can’t help but wonder if he went home and told his wife I was crazy. 😊

God, you are so faithful. Thank you for always being there for me. I love you, and I trust you.

Friday, August 24, 2007

 “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”

Praise God!! He is so good!!

Last night was incredibly difficult. I was completely drained from dealing with the mortgage company (which CT told me today was illegal for them to call me at work). With both Tom and me feeling stretched thin, stressed, and exhausted, we’ve started snapping at each other. Thankfully, we’re aware of it, so we recover quickly and apologize.

When I got home, we ate dinner, and all I wanted to do was sleep. But as always, our conversation turned to what God is doing. Tom shared that he had been thinking a lot about the scene in Facing the Giants when the coach pushes Brock to give everything he has. As Brock does the death crawl blindfolded, the coach keeps shouting, “Don’t give up on me! Just a little more… Give me everything you’ve got!” Meanwhile, Brock is in pain, saying, “It hurts! It burns! I can’t go any further!”

As Tom described it, tears streamed down my cheeks because I could relate to the struggle. Yes, I thought. It burns, and it hurts… my spiritual and faith muscles are burning! But I want to give Him everything I’ve got—I don’t want to give up.

Tom then mentioned a show he had watched about Special Forces training. These men endure unimaginable emotional and physical suffering to get through the program. But in the middle of the yard, there’s a bell. If they feel they can’t take any more, they ring the bell and quit. He remembered an episode where one man made it through the entire program—only to ring the bell two days before finishing. Everyone was in disbelief. After all that pain, suffering, and endurance, he gave up when he was so close.

Tom said that selling our house would feel like ringing the bell—like telling God we were done after enduring this trial for so long. He felt that we were so close to seeing God’s glory revealed, and if we gave up now, we might miss it. My heart was in complete agreement. I felt the same way.

Still, I found myself slipping into depression—into ultimate self-focus and pity. I went upstairs, lay in bed, and just wanted to escape into sleep. But I knew this was another battle I had to fight. So I decided to rest for a bit and get back up in a few minutes.

As I lay there, I started thinking about all the emails I needed to respond to. One of them was from SK, asking for an update. I didn’t have the time or energy to type everything out, so I decided to send him my journal along with the scripture document Tom had put together.

Later that night, around 9:00 PM, I went to bed. I heard Tom on the phone and wondered who had called—maybe SK had read my email and was calling to encourage Tom? Or perhaps it was family from California?

This morning, I checked my email and saw this response from SK:

Thank you SOOOO much for sharing honestly and in faith all that is going on with you. In my perfect world, all communication would be as straightforward and honest as yours. The love I feel for you after reading everything you sent is overwhelming!!!! And I am in absolute awe of your faith and steadfastness!!!! So inspiring!!!!!!!

I prayed to God after reading your note and asked again about sending money, as I have many times before. God has always said “no”… and He did again. But this time, I had the thought to ask if it would be OK if I got the car back from CarMax. Incredibly, to that, God said YES!!!!!

I called Tom and confirmed that it would be OK. He gave me the contact information, and I will try to take care of it tomorrow. I’ll call Tom by the end of the day and let him know what happens.

I'm so thankful for all that both of you have meant in my life.

Thanks again for sharing your soul and spirit with me.

All I could do was say, “OH MY GOD!” as the tears started rolling down my face. God, You are so good!

I couldn’t believe Tom had been able to sleep last night at all! He came downstairs all stoic, trying to surprise me, not realizing I had already read the email. I was so excited and said, “You must be jumping out of your skin!” He looked surprised and asked how I knew. When I told him, we both had a good, happy cry this morning—basking in God’s glory. Thank You, Jesus!

Of course, I had to call CT and tell her. She made me promise she would be the first to know when God did what He was going to do.

Later, I realized I hadn’t responded to SK’s email yet. That’s when I thought of the story in Acts 12:12-16, when Peter was miraculously released from jail and knocked on the disciples’ door. The servant girl, so excited to hear Peter’s voice, ran to tell everyone… but forgot to let him in! That made me smile.

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Scripture of the Day:

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood."
—1 John 4:4-6

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Tom called me after speaking with CarMax and said that while the car wasn’t completely paid off, all the back payments were made, plus a couple of months in advance. That caught me off guard—I had assumed it would be paid off entirely. But I refuse to let the enemy rob me of the joy of seeing God come through for us in such an incredible way. My eyes must stay on Him and His promise to take care of us.

I ended up staying at work until nearly 8:30 PM (from 7:00 AM—a 13.5-hour day). It feels impossible to get any work done during business hours with all the calls, emails, and interruptions!

But through it all, I hold onto this truth: God is faithful.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

I love my Saturday’s! They are so refreshing and restoring from the hard week before. I get to sleep in, Tom and I get to spend time together which doesn’t happen very much during the week and we spend time listening to worship music and talking about how awesome God is.

I got through a lot of my emails and then we had our home group pot luck/social event. I was excited to be able to drop Big Blue off at CT’s house on the way to home group. She was in the throws of packing and getting ready for the movers on Tuesday. Lord, please give her strength!

It was so cool to be able to share with our home group what God has done to get our car back! Our story continues to grow and give God all the Glory. We had a wonderful time of fellowship and prayer.

Monday, August 27, 2007

(Note from Linda: Even though we got one of our cars back, I still had to get rides from my co-workers. But at least we didn’t have to borrow other people’s cars, which was such a blessing!)

This morning, I woke up feeling pretty tired and “blah.” Yesterday, I slept in, skipped church, and even took an hour-long nap before family night, but I still felt drained the entire evening. I went to bed at 10:00 PM, only to wake up at 3:19 AM—and I couldn’t fall back asleep. Maybe it was because I knew I’d have to wake up in just an hour anyway. I had a praise song running through my head, so I spent the time praying for our A, my meeting tonight, and in the Spirit.

This morning, I told Tom, “I feel like I’m fading away.” When he asked why, I admitted that I was feeling battle weary. I started thinking about all the areas of my life that feel out of whack—I haven’t been able to work out for about a month, I canceled my vitamins to save money (so I feel like my immune system is weaker), and I’m still dependent on others for rides to and from work. Since I’m not working out, I’ve reduced my eating quite a bit. My physical issues seem to keep piling up. Work is still intense, and I can’t seem to get a handle on it—plus, I don’t even want to be there. I feel like I have no down time. Even on Saturdays, I spend most of the day catching up on emails that I can’t get to during the week because I’m never home.

Honestly, I’m just exhausted.

Tom prayed for me, asking God to be my strength and joy, to sustain me. As he prayed, a scripture came back to me—one that God had given me a few months ago but I had forgotten until this morning:

Psalm 130:5-6
"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His word, I put my hope. My soul waits for the LORD more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning."

Lord, help me fight this blah battle. Fill me with Your joy and strength. Help me keep my shield up so the enemy’s arrows don’t pierce my heart and spirit. In Jesus’ name, amen!

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Tonight, I had dinner with a friend, and on the way home, I told her that one of the hardest parts of this season has been not being able to work out. Even though we got Tom’s car back, I still have to leave early to catch rides from co-workers so he can use the car for his meetings.

Since she’s a workout person herself, she immediately understood. Then, out of nowhere, she said, “We need to go back to Cary—my husband’s car is just sitting there unused while he’s out of town. I want you to take it for the week!”

OH. MY. GOODNESS. Praise You, Jesus!!

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Later, while waiting for my friend to pick me up, I checked my email. Tom had forwarded me a word from the Lord, given to him by one of his brothers in Christ:

Son—encourage Tom to write down his experiences and formulate a book of testimony. He is to share My love, forgiveness, compassion, new beginnings, and hope with everyone I put in his path. He is to walk the walk of faith—both he and his wife. They are Mine, and I am theirs. Encourage him to press into Me; to abstain from being angry with Me; and to love Me.

Wow.

Thank You, Jesus, for Your encouragement!!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I was able to do Yoga today! Yay! It felt good but I strained my neck muscle so I am in a little bit of pain… I iced it down right away and took ibuprofen so hopefully it will relax soon. Part of the problem of not working out is that I don’t get my stress release so I am carrying all the stress in my neck and shoulders still. I also self adjust when I work out so since I haven’t been able to, I am all out of whack! I may need to call the chiropractor and make an appointment.

I took my Bible on CD with me this morning and listened to it on the way in to work. I am starting over so it is good to go through Genesis again. The Hope Journal was in Revelation 2 but nothing stuck out to me today but here is something from the daily bread that was encouraging.

Daily Bread:

A growing number of people find that wearing a pedometer helps them increase their level of daily exercise. The step-counting device is both a recorder and a motivator for them. Knowing how many steps they take encourages them to walk more.

One woman, whose goal was to take 10,000 steps a day, began parking farther away from her workplace and doing more active tasks around the office. Her awareness of the pedometer helped produce a lifestyle change.

Observable reminders have a place in our walk with Christ as well. When God instructed the Israelites to keep His commands in their hearts, He also told them to make visible reminders of the Word: “You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Deut. 6:8-9). The purpose was not physical decoration but spiritual deliverance: “Beware, lest you forget the Lord who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage” (v.12).

Words of Scripture on a plaque, a memory card, or a calendar can turn our focus toward the Lord throughout the day. These visible reminders of Christ and His Word will encourage our steps of obedience to Him. —David McCasland

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Today, I got a chance to power walk—and I had forgotten how much I pray during that time! I spent the walk lifting up friends, family, and whatever else God placed on my heart. I also started listening to the Bible again, beginning from Genesis, and it’s been amazing! It refreshes my soul in such a deep way.

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Last night, I had dinner with some good friends from my Outback days. I was exhausted and didn’t really have the energy to talk about my life again, but God naturally steered the conversation in that direction. Since I had sent them my journal beforehand to catch them up, they already had an idea of what’s been going on.

One of them expressed concern, saying that not paying our bills didn’t seem right and wasn’t in line with God’s word. I told her I understood—I had wrestled with that same struggle at the beginning. I had cried out to God, “This isn’t right! My credit is ruined!” But then He asked me, “Are you going to make your credit your god, or will you choose Me?”

Of course, I had to choose Him and let my credit go.

Every day, we pray, “Lord, please show us if we’re off track.” He speaks to us daily, so I know the lines of communication are open. If we’re headed in the wrong direction, I trust He will make it abundantly clear. So far, He hasn’t. Instead, we keep hearing the same thing: “Yes, you can take control, or you can trust Me.”

God is always giving us a choice. At any moment, we could decide to sell the house, have Tom get a job, start looking into financial programs, and try to fix everything ourselves. Or—we can keep trusting Him.

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We also talked about times in the Bible when God asked people to do things that didn’t seem right—whether by tradition, logic, or natural reasoning. My other friend brought up Abraham and Isaac. By all accounts, asking Abraham to sacrifice his son wasn’t right, but God was testing Abraham’s trust. In the end, He didn’t let Isaac die—He provided the sacrifice Himself.

I know He will do the same for us.

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Right now, I feel like I’m running on less than fumes. I could curl up and fall asleep in an instant. My job is draining so much energy out of me, and for what? The work is never caught up. Every day is a constant struggle just to make it through without stressing. I need to learn how to release this burden and let it go.

Lord, help me!

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I’m also still dealing with strained neck muscles from yoga yesterday... I really need to see my chiropractor. On top of that, I was hoping a friend could cut my hair, but she’s no longer doing it as a business. So, I guess it’s time to call my girl at Mitchell’s for an appointment.

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Daily Bread Excerpt:
"Do you sometimes feel small and insignificant, like an insect? When you do, remember that God showcases His wisdom and greatness through even the smallest things. That’s because His ‘strength is made perfect in weakness’ (2 Cor. 12:9)." —Mart De Haan

Thursday, August 30, 2007

I was so tired yesterday after working out! It is so bitter sweet to start working out again, it feels good but my body feels the effects a lot more in the beginning. Tom sent me an IM yesterday after his worship time and said that he had just listened to the song “The Voice of Truth” and felt encouraged again to stay focused on God and not to listen to the disapproving voices of the people around us. I know they mean well and I can’t say that I would be any different if I were in their shoes… this is one of those things that you have to be in our shoes to truly understand. I am learning to be more compassionate and understanding about what people are going through. Tom has said many times, I would rather fail trusting in God then fail not trusting in Him. I have to agree with him.

I spent my evening with my grand daughter last night. We went to Golden Corral and then to Wal-Mart for bubbles… We ended up getting a doll and a dresses as well but I stayed within my budget :) I love this time with the kids, they are so precious!

Excerpt from the Daily Bread:

We now have these two assurances: God’s unfailing love—He will never leave us nor forsake us (Heb. 13:5). And God’s promise of full redemption in due time—He will redeem us from all our iniquities (Ps. 130:8) and present us before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy (Jude 24).

We’re forgiven! We’re free! With the psalmist, let’s worship the Lord as we await His coming. —David Roper