Holding On When the Walls Close In
My co-worker told me the "check engine" light didn’t reset, which was disappointing. I had been praying for a solution, as we didn’t have any other transportation lined up. I had to let CT know I didn’t have a way home, and she graciously let us use her car for the weekend, saying we could switch on Sunday. Despite her kindness, I felt deeply conflicted—like I wasn’t supposed to keep borrowing her car. Lord, help us.
Scriptures of the Day: Jeremiah 23:28-29
“Let the prophet who has a dream tell his dream, but let the one who has my word speak it faithfully. For what has straw to do with grain?" declares the LORD. "Is not my word like fire," declares the LORD, "and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?”
His Word is so powerful. It created the earth and everything in it, and with just His word, He can destroy and rebuild effortlessly.
God’s ways are perfect, even when they seem unpredictable. His thoughts are higher than ours. Who would have thought that Jesus needed to die? Imagine what the disciples felt after giving up everything for three years, only to see Him crucified. But God’s plan was infinitely greater than they could have imagined.
A Difficult Evening
Tom and I sat down and talked after what felt like an emotionally exhausting day. I was completely spent. I had gotten out of work late and stopped by CT’s house to return her car, which turned into a long conversation. She’s also struggling with her own challenges, so we ended up praying for each other before I left—with her car again. She needed Big Blue for the weekend, so we agreed to switch cars on Sunday. I felt torn, knowing we don’t have another option right now.
Tom opened up about how much he’s struggling. He shared that the stress is impacting him physically—he feels like his blood pressure is through the roof—and emotionally, he’s drained. Listening to mortgage company messages every day is wearing him down. He even admitted to having thoughts of suicide if God doesn’t deliver us.
He’s been battling old tapes in his mind, replaying messages of failure: “You can’t do anything right.” “Why don’t you get a job?” He feels like he’s failed as a provider and a husband. My heart breaks for him because I know how much he’s carrying.
The Weight of Our Circumstances
We’re in such a tight spot. My thoughts have wandered to what we would do if we lost the house. While people have offered to take us in—which is comforting—the uncertainty of “what next?” looms over us. Life as we know it would change drastically. We’re not opposed to change, but what would Tom do? Without the house to maintain, he’d have to find work, yet we couldn’t even afford an apartment or car right now.
We’ve left everything familiar to follow what we believe God is asking of us, and now we are entirely dependent on His deliverance.
We thought about the Israelites at the Red Sea, with the Egyptians closing in behind them. I think we know how they felt! We need God to part the Red Sea for us—to deliver us financially—or we’ll be overtaken by foreclosure.
Prayer and Revelation
Tom and I prayed together, and as we did, I realized how alive the Bible has become to me. Spending time in His Word, I can deeply connect with the emotions and struggles of Biblical figures. Their experiences feel so real to me now, like never before.
When I’m in the Word, praying, or praising Him, I feel at peace, knowing everything will be okay. But as soon as I step away, fear and doubt flood in. It’s like sitting in my Heavenly Father’s lap, wrapped in His arms, where everything feels safe and secure. Yet, I felt the Lord telling me it’s time to leave His lap, to stand on my own, and to face life with Him walking beside me.
The enemy is working overtime, throwing every obstacle and lie my way to make me panic and try to fix things on my own. But I’m holding onto this truth: His Word is like fire and like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces.
