We were having a wonderful time together until I mentioned that I had set aside some time but couldn’t stay long. It was as if a switch flipped—the mood instantly changed, and our great time turned sour. I felt awful for saying that and was so upset with myself. I should have just stayed and enjoyed our time together, even if it made me late. But the damage was already done.
I started crying and couldn’t stop. I tried to eat breakfast but had no appetite. I really didn’t want to go to work, but I knew that, with it being the Friday before a long holiday, the office would be quiet, and I could get a lot done. Seeing me in tears, Tom asked if I really wanted to go in. I admitted that I didn’t, but I felt pressured to get something done while I had the chance.
I decided to log in remotely and let my boss know I’d be late—if I went in at all. Then, I laid down on the couch, still torn.
For two hours, I wrestled with my decision. On one hand, I thought about all I could accomplish at work. But then I thought about how disappointed Tom would be if I chose work over spending the day with him—especially since we had talked about going for a drive and visiting the farmers market.
I felt like this was a test: Would I choose what would ultimately burn away, or would I choose my relationship with my husband?
When I framed it like that, the choice seemed obvious—so why was it so hard to make?
The moment I finally chose to stay home, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and joy. I couldn’t believe it had taken me so long to decide! It reminded me of a time at Outback when I had the chance to give myself a better tip. I stood at the credit card machine debating for what felt like an eternity—until I finally snapped out of it and realized I already knew what was right. So I did it.
We ended up going for that drive, having lunch, and visiting the farmers market—and it was exactly what I needed. It was peaceful, refreshing, and so therapeutic.
On our way back, we stopped at D and L’s house to pick up some papers. I mentioned that I had taken a “mental health day” and shared a little bit of my struggles. L was so encouraging—she reminded me to stand firm and trust God with everything.
I’ve been feeling drained, stressed, and a bit out of focus—PMS certainly isn’t helping. But after everything today, I went home, took a three-hour nap, and woke up feeling so much better.
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