Tom had asked for cornmeal pancakes, so I made breakfast while he mowed the backyard. During breakfast, I shared with him how I had felt yesterday—how easily I fall back into doubt and fear, even when God is so close. I’m so tired of allowing myself to be knocked back so easily (because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind—James 1:6).
When I said this, Tom told me he had a picture in his mind of gladiators in training. Their leaders would test them by striking them in the chest with their palm. If they stepped back or fell, they weren’t ready to move forward. But if they stood their ground, they could advance in their training. Then he told me to turn to Hebrews 10:32-39:
"Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions.
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, 'He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.' But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved."
Once again, God knew my heart—what I needed and exactly when I needed it. More than ever, I see that this is not about money or possessions, but about His glory and my relationship with Him. It’s about building my faith and trust in Him. I found myself in tears again, feeling the Lord so near, encouraging me. I could sense the roots of His Word growing deeper into my heart, becoming more alive as it ministered to, encouraged, and taught me.
God is SO amazing!!
Father, I thank You for Your love and patience with me. I ask for Your forgiveness for my doubts and fears and for allowing the enemy to take so much ground in my life. In Jesus’ name, I pray that this will not happen again. When my strength is gone, help me to stand firm and hold my ground in Your strength. Thank You for being with me at every turn, for reminding me of who You are and how much You love me. I couldn’t do this without You.
This is all about You and Your glory—not about me. I want to praise Your name and “Consider it pure joy... whenever [I] face trials of many kinds, because [I] know that the testing of [my] faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that [I] may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4).
Help me to sing Your praises in all circumstances!
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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