Saturday, August 02, 2008

Mowing Lawns, Moving Mountains

This has been a fairly quiet week. I’ve gotten back into my workout routine and started tackling some long-overdue yard work. Monday, after my walk, I decided to mow the front yard—and boy was that tough! It had grown so thick and tall that I had to constantly lift the mower to keep it from bogging down and cutting out… over and over again. Not to mention the hidden fire ant hills that made things extra exciting.

On Wednesday, I got into some weeding in the natural areas while A was with me. The progress was slow since she needed my attention, but we had a good time together. She played with the hose and toys, and then wanted to play on the backyard equipment. I got the mower back out and cut a path from one play area to the next (there are three!). That was a project in itself. She played on them for about ten minutes before getting bored and heading inside. Oh well—at least I made a dent in the work for next time.

By Friday, I finished weeding the area I started on Wednesday, so I’m feeling pretty good about that. Tuesday and Thursday were much-needed “recovery” days!

We’ve really been taking things one day at a time lately, not knowing what our situation will be from day to day. DD and his wife are still trying to sort out their future plans, so everything feels very in flux for us. On Wednesday, while A and I were out front, the neighbor across the street came over and introduced herself. She explained that she had purchased the house for her ailing grandmother, but her grandmother has since improved, so now she’s juggling two homes. She uses this one during the day while her kids attend the nearby school, then they head to the other house in the evenings.

I told her we were here temporarily and our housing situation was uncertain. She mentioned she used to work for a real estate company that furnished and staged homes, and that sometimes they placed people in them to make them look lived in. That sounded really interesting, so I told her I’d love to learn more. We exchanged info, and now I’m just waiting to see what God might do with that.

I’ve said it so many times: I need to stop trying to project or predict what God is going to do—trying to “fill in the blanks.” I want to just take each day as it comes and let His plan unfold. So much easier said than done! But I’m doing my best not to dwell on the uncertainty or run ahead of Him. I also looked into the idea of house sitting, but when I researched it, it seemed like everyone was looking to do the house-sitting, not offer a home. So, I let it go.

Then I talked to CT about it, and wouldn’t you know—she called back and said one of her daughter’s friend’s parents might be looking for a house sitter! She gave them our number. Just one more possibility for a place to stay in August, if the Lord wills.

Spiritually, I’m still learning and stretching in my prayer life. I’ve spent more time this week reading and praying through the Word and just soaking in the Lord’s presence. On Friday night, we started the Prophetic Teaching class at B and C’s house. C invited a few of us to meet beforehand for intercessory prayer, so three of us gathered. It was a good time of prayer, and I truly hope God used it for His glory.

One thing that’s becoming clearer to me is this: it’s not about our ability to do things for God—it’s about Christ doing things through us. That changes everything. It’s not about me striving or achieving; it’s about me surrendering, so that He gets the credit and glory.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
—Ephesians 2:8–10

I’m trying to wrap my mind around what it means to die daily so that He can live through me. I must decrease so that He can increase. If we could do what He asks of us in our own strength, then Christ died for nothing. That truth humbles me deeply.

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Prayer:
Lord, help me to stay on the path You’ve laid out for me—not one I’ve crafted in my own strength or imagination. Help me to die to myself daily. Teach me to trust You, moment by moment—not just in the big things, but in the little things, too. I don’t want to control or figure things out anymore. I want to follow Your lead in every hour, every minute, and every second. I know I fall short, and I have such a long way to go… but thank You for your grace, patience, and forgiveness. You are so faithful.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Layers of Healing – Naming What Was Lost

This has been a full and busy week so far. Yesterday Tom and I went to our storage unit and got a few boxes of things we can use while we’re here—mostly consumables like cleaning supplies, toilet paper, and paper towels. I also grabbed my spices box and a few kitchen items that will come in handy. :)

After that, we picked up W from school and spent the evening with him. He’s been struggling a bit since his dad has been gone. He wanted E to stay with him in his room last night until he fell asleep. Now that all the house guests are gone, I think he’s really missing his dad. I’m sure the others are feeling it too, but they each express it in their own way.

Lord, I pray that Your Holy Spirit will dwell in a powerful way in their home and that You will be their Comforter and security. Reveal Yourself to them in wonderful ways and draw them more and more into Your arms. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Saturday evening, I met with a couple of girlfriends and we talked for over four hours! What an awesome time of fellowship we had. The first two hours were spent talking about my journal and what they’re learning through it. They just started reading, so they were amazed by what God asked us to do and how we responded in faith. I was blown away by how God was revealing Himself to them through our testimony. The best part was that they were seeing God—not us! They were realizing that His ways are not our ways, and His logic is not our logic. It was so cool to see the Lord working in their hearts through our story.

Sunday was our first week here at TB’s, and it’s been good! A cool God story: TB and I bought some inexpensive knives, but I needed a sharpener to keep them useful. Tom and I looked everywhere but couldn’t find one in our price range. TB tried looking too but had no luck. Then, he received a box from friends at church and—guess what was inside? A knife sharpener! It even came with a knife and fork as a set. The Lord had it planned all along, keeping us from buying one so He could give it to us. He’s so cool like that. :)

One of the blessings of being here is getting to talk with TB every few days. On Monday night, we shared our testimonies with each other. During the conversation, TB brought up the topic of abortion and said something that opened the door for me to share my own story. I told him that when I was 17, before I knew the Lord, I had an abortion—and that my healing took many years. It was over a decade before I could even speak about it.

The Lord eventually brought me to a place of repentance, and I knew I was forgiven. Then, a few years later, He gave me a poem (or song) called His Song, which became a key part of my healing. I’ve tried to have it put to music a few times, but strange obstacles always got in the way. I know the enemy doesn’t want the song released, but my God is bigger and more powerful—and if it’s meant to be, it will happen in His perfect timing.

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HIS SONG

by Linda Daniels (1996)

This is a story of a girl you may know,
who made some wrong choices
and didn’t know where to go.

She is lost and confused, and very much afraid,
because, in a moment of passion,
a new life was made.

She was young and had run away from home.
Though surrounded by friends,
she still felt very alone.

Her life and future were ever before her,
but for the life growing inside her,
its future was very unsure.

(Chorus)
If only someone had told her the truth,
If only someone had cared,
this story may have had a different ending,
and a life may have been spared.

She was told she wouldn’t feel any pain.
That it was simple and easy—
no big deal, your whole life to gain.

Just go to sleep, tomorrow is a new day.
But her life would never be the same.

You can’t run from what you did;
no lies, drugs, or alcohol can keep it hid.

Sometimes she wonders who he would be,
calculating the years gone by—
would he like baseball, music, or art?
She’ll never know, and that breaks her heart.

(Chorus)

But through the life, death, and love of Christ,
we have so much more to gain.

This story has a happy ending,
because Jesus has set her free.
He’s forgiven all her sins
and gave her eternity.

Now her child and she will finally meet,
and she’ll wonder no more,
about what he looks like,
or who he is, like she did before.

(Chorus – final)
So if you get a chance to tell the truth,
and show someone you care,
you might just change a story—
and a life you may spare.

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The Lord always works in layers. Even this was another layer of healing.

On Tuesday, I met with KM to give her money for the meat we bought, and we had tea and a short chat. I mentioned our conversation with TB, and she told me about a healing retreat her daughter’s Byzantine church offers for women who’ve had abortions. Each woman names her child, and they hold a funeral service.

As soon as she said that, emotion welled up inside me and caught in my throat. I have never named my child or given him a proper service. Even now, tears roll down my cheeks as I release what that stirred up.

I realize now—it’s easier to go through something like abortion when you don’t associate it with a real person. Naming the child changes everything. It makes it real.

“Lord, forgive me. Help me walk through this next layer of healing with You.”

It has been 31 years since that day, and yet here I am—still discovering the depths of His mercy and the tenderness of His healing.

My first thought was of E and R naming their miscarried baby “Jamie” and saying a proper goodbye. How strange and sad that it has taken me this long to reach that place, most likely because of the shame and guilt I’ve carried.

Now, I’m praying and asking the Lord to help me choose a name for him. I know He will, in His perfect timing.

(Note from Linda: In 2019, I wrote a blog about my healing journey called “His Song,” and in 2025, I rewrote it and renamed it “No One Told Me.” You can read it here: No One Told Me.)

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On a lighter note, I spent time with Marteen on Tuesday—helped her cook dinner, walked, and talked. When I mentioned that I thought G and F might enjoy my company more than needing my help, her eyes welled up and she said she needed that too. My heart went out to her, and I knew I needed to spend more time with her.

Later, she talked about hiring someone to help organize her back rooms, and I said, “You’re really going to pay someone for that?” She smiled, and then I realized—she meant me all along! So I’ve committed my Tuesdays to helping her cook, clean, and organize, just being there as a friend—no payment needed.

She also reminded me of her standing offer to let us stay with her if we ever needed to. I told her she was my “backup plan” if the Lord didn’t open another door. I don’t know why He hasn’t led us there yet, but maybe one day He will. :)

This week, I also received emails from three longtime friends I hadn’t spoken to in years. It was wonderful to catch up and see how grown their kids are. Time really does keep marching on…

In my Beth Moore study, we’ve been talking about the battlefield of the mind—not that I need help with that or anything (insert eye roll here). :) My scripture memory verse this week is:

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.” – Isaiah 26:3

It’s short and sweet, but powerful. It has come to my mind many times this week when my thoughts try to wander. Thank You, Jesus, for Your Word that brings peace and comfort.