Monday, April 07, 2008

Drifting Between Waiting and Action

Two of the books I’ve been going through—Lies Women Believe and Freedom from Your Past—both address depression. It’s interesting timing.

In Lies Women Believe, Nancy lays out scriptures to combat the lies of the enemy, reminding me of the truth of who I am in Christ. I found comfort in reading them. But at the same time, doubt is creeping in.

Am I making too much of these dreams? Am I imagining things that aren’t really there? What if I’m leading myself astray—either by believing too much or by ignoring something I shouldn’t?

I don’t want to chase shadows. I don’t want to miss what God is doing either.

This waiting period is stretching me in ways I never expected. I am such a “doer”—I feel better when I’m accomplishing something. But lately? I’ve been shut down both emotionally and physically. I’m not accomplishing anything, and it’s messing with me.

On Saturday, I spent a few hours cooking, and I felt so much better—almost like myself again. But now, my calendar is empty. I could start making calls, filling in the gaps, but I don’t feel led to do that either.

What am I supposed to be doing? I just don’t know what to do with myself.

Lord, help me. Give me the strength to keep my eyes on YOU and not let my emotions dictate my faith.

Yesterday’s Acts Bible study was a highlight. D led, and as always, his teaching opened my mind to more truth I hadn’t seen before.

I know God is preparing us for something—but what?

CB sent me today’s Spirit of Prophecy Bulletin, and while I didn’t feel a huge spark in my spirit, I did take note.

Bill Burns’ word: “No longer accept the role of the victim, but rise up in victory, says the Lord.”

Marsha Burns’ word: “Do not misread or misinterpret the signs of the season… Be willing and flexible… This transformation is not just about you, but the whole.”

CB told me that the Lord laid me on her heart last night and again this morning. She asked if it stirred anything in my spirit.

I wish I could say yes. But honestly? I feel so shut down that I don’t feel anything right now.

More and more, I feel the Lord directing me to pray for Tom.

We are at such a crucial point. We need clear direction. And I need Tom to hear from the Lord just as much—if not more—than I do. This can’t be something I just think is right.

Lord, please speak clearly to Tom. Let him feel sure of what our next step should be. Help me to submit to Your leading and not act out of impatience. Let us move in Your perfect timing. In Jesus’ name, Amen.