Thursday, July 24, 2008

Fighting the Fog: Grace in the Emotional Freefall

This morning, I was deep in the emotional dumps. With each passing day, more and more doors seem to close—especially when it comes to options for places to stay. On top of that, Tom and I inadvertently caused some difficulty with one of the couples we’re working with, and it hit me hard. It wasn’t intentional, but knowing we may have added to their burdens made me feel terrible. It left me wondering, Is all of this for nothing?

It felt like we missed the boat—every which way. And to make things worse, I found myself doubting our ability to do the ministry we’ve been called to. I used to “run away” in my mind and emotions when Tom and I were struggling in our marriage. I’d mentally escape to a quiet, far-off place where I didn’t have to deal with the weight of it all. I haven’t done that in a long time—until this morning. I wanted to run so badly. Everything inside me was screaming for escape… to disappear into a small town, get a job, and pretend none of this ever happened.

Of course, I wouldn’t actually do that. I couldn’t. But I felt raw… vulnerable… weak. Then I read the day’s Spirit of Prophecy message and everything shifted:

Small Straws In A Soft Wind by Marsha Burns -- July 24, 2008:

An attack has been released against you on a most intimate and personal level to accuse and condemn you. You will be tempted to entertain these subtle accusations by focusing on what you think might be your shortcomings. You will not know for sure because the criticisms are vague. What you need to understand is that I am the Lord, and I do not bring vague or indistinct correction to you. I work with you in love to always move you to a place of security in My kingdom, and the correction that comes from Me is always a relief to your spirit that causes you to rejoice.

"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." Romans 8:1 

That message pierced the fog. I could see it now: this was an attack from the enemy—subtle, emotional, and personal. The feelings I had this morning were vague and accusatory, not from the Lord. And just like that, God pulled me back on track… at least for today. :)