Things certainly have a way of changing quickly around here! We got a phone call yesterday afternoon letting us know that the woman and her boys won’t be coming after all. They’ve decided to stay in California with their family and support system.
Then we found out the last door to another place we thought might be available has closed—loud and clear. So here we are, still at DD’s, with no other options currently open to us. I keep reminding myself that none of this is a surprise to the Lord. He’s known all along what would happen. He already has a plan in place, and He will reveal it in His perfect timing.
Today was a good day—time in the Word, prayer, and worship. Tom took W to the tank museum yesterday, so today was a quiet, open day. I tried to connect with Marteen, but she must be out of town. She didn’t answer her phone, and though her car was there when I stopped by, no one answered the door.
In my recent soul-searching, I’ve come face-to-face with some hard truths. I feel ashamed at how often I fall into doubt and fear, letting my circumstances steal my focus from the Lord. I would have thought, by now—after giving up our home and most of our belongings to follow Him—I’d be farther along in my trust. I long to be at a place where my gaze is so fixed on Jesus and His Kingdom purposes that everything else around me is of no consequence… that even when the wind, rain, and raging seas surround me, my eyes stay locked on Him, and I walk boldly and confidently on the water.
Lord, forgive my weakness. Teach me to trust You more and more every day.
Another thing stirring in me is the aching lack of power I see in our walk. Scripture says that the things Jesus did, we will do—and even greater. The disciples walked in power, and people came to the Lord because of it. Why don’t we see that in our lives today? What are we missing? I keep coming back to the thought that there’s still too much of me and not enough of Christ. Too often my thoughts revolve around myself, not the Kingdom. Lord, please help me crucify self so that I no longer live, but Christ lives in me (Galatians 2:20). I still feel so far from that mark…
I’m also feeling deeply convicted about the lack of prayer in my life. I’m reading Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala, and it’s hitting home over and over again: prayer is essential. I know it. I teach it. But for some reason, I struggle to walk it out the way I know I should.
Jesus, help me win this battle. Help me get on my knees before You and stay there.
No comments:
Post a Comment