It has taken me a little while to process everything that happened the rest of the day on Tuesday. So much was said, and I’m still trying to take it all in.
I did meet with C for lunch, and it was a powerful time of sharing our hearts. She was more herself than I’ve ever seen her. She opened up about how she’s been terrified of Tom and me because of our “religion” and “faith.”
She explained that in her last relationship, the guy’s parents were “ministers,” but they treated her like she had an evil spirit—sprinkling holy water on her and trying to exorcise demons out of her. They even refused to let her step foot into their church because of her past. Hearing that broke my heart. No wonder she was afraid of us and expected rejection.
I told her that we are not “religious” and that there is a huge difference between religion and relationship. My heart—my calling—is to help people see that difference so they can remove religion and pursue Jesus instead.
We also spent time talking about A—how much Tom and I hurt him while he was growing up. We know we wounded him deeply, and we desperately want to make things right.
I shared with C that my hope is for A to finally pour out all his hurt and anger—to tell us every way we failed him. My deepest desire is for all of that pain to be removed from his heart so he can be healed and become who God designed him to be.
2022 Insert – Linda:
I work with elderly women, and at this point, Marteen was just an elderly friend I spent time with when I could. Later, it became official, and I worked with her regularly. She has since passed away, so I am keeping her name in.
After lunch, my next meeting was canceled, so I called Marteen and spent a few hours with her before heading to my dinner meeting. Only one lady was able to make it, so I planned to have a nice one-on-one with her.
But then—A called.
He knew I was in a meeting, but he asked if I could come home now. He and C were on their way over, and he needed to talk.
There was no hesitation. I explained the situation to the lady, had our meals packed to go, and left immediately.
When I got home, A and C had just arrived. That night was one of the hardest but most important conversations we’ve ever had.
A finally began to release years of bottled-up hurt.
He told us that around us, he still feels like an eight or nine-year-old boy—constantly striving for the acceptance and approval he never felt he got.
C shared that when A isn’t around us, he is a completely different person. She gets angry at him for how he shrinks into a childlike state, constantly trying to please us.
Most of A’s hurt and anger was directed at me.
- He felt like I never truly mothered him or connected with him emotionally.
- He resented that we moved him away from his family in California to start the church in North Carolina—the very church that wounded him when he was most vulnerable.
- He was even jealous of my relationship with God. He felt like I was closer to God than I ever was to him.
That last one… it broke me. Because it was true.
Tears streamed down my face the entire time he spoke. If there had been a bucket under me, I might have filled it. Tears of regret, heartache for A, and thankfulness that he was finally sharing his heart.
As painful as it was, it was good. It was necessary. It was a start to healing.
One of the biggest revelations I had that night was how our involvement in organized church actually damaged our family.
We thought we were doing the right thing—being leaders, pouring our lives into ministry, raising our kids in that environment. But now, as we are learning more about House Church—where families worship and grow together—I see how much time we spent separate from our children in the church.
Since Tom was angry at God for so long, our kids didn’t receive much spiritual guidance at home either. They got the double whammy—hurtful, wounded parents and an all-consuming church that stole time away from them.
It will take time to process everything that was said, but I’m so grateful we’ve begun this journey toward healing.
Today’s Hope Journal Reading:
Psalm 5:11-12
"But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
"For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous;
you surround them with your favor as with a shield."
Thank you, Jesus, for being in control!
Amen. 😊
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