Friday, August 21, 2009

Sorrow, Surrender, and the Shepherd’s Lead

Well, we are about to turn another corner in our journey with the Lord. TB left us a note Wednesday morning letting us know that his family situation has placed him in a position where he needs the room we’ve been staying in. He asked that we find another place to stay by Labor Day weekend. Honestly, this was simply confirmation of what Tom and I had already been sensing. I was hoping we could tell TB we had another place before he had to ask us to leave… but things didn’t work out that way.

Tom and I are at peace about it because the Lord had already been preparing our hearts. Our bigger concern was for TB and how he felt having to write that note. He was kind and reassuring—he let us know there was no conflict, nothing we had done or not done. He said he enjoyed our company and companionship, but his family situation is the driving force behind this decision. We’ve been here eight months, which is a long time for “temporary guests” anywhere. It’s clear that it’s time for us to move on to the next stage of this journey.

I’m still listening to Hinds’ Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard, so I can’t help but see our own story in Much Afraid’s journey. Her companions—Sorrow and Suffering—make her path to the High Places difficult, and each challenge pushes her to surrender more of her will to the Shepherd. She learns to trust Him more deeply, regardless of how things look or how she feels—whether her path seems to rise toward the mountains or dip back into another valley.

I feel like the Lord is asking me the same questions:
Will I surrender, submit, and yield to Him no matter what things look like?

Lately my companions also feel like sorrow and suffering. The spiritual and emotional road has been hard—mostly because it has exposed so much of the “flesh” in me. And that has led to a battle as I try to crucify it and keep it from dominating my life and decisions. It is humbling—and honestly terrifying—to see how strongly the flesh fights to stay alive.

In the chapter I listened to last night (either 13 or 14), Much Afraid turned another corner that led away from the High Places again. And right on cue, her “fearing relatives” were waiting to convince her she had made a mistake in following the Shepherd at all. She let herself imagine what her life would have been like if she had never met Him or begun this journey—and that thought terrified her more than the new valley ahead.

She realized that what truly mattered wasn’t where she was on the journey, but that she was with the Shepherd. And if He was with her, she could face anything.

That point struck me deeply.

How often do we get so caught up in the journey—or the destination—that we forget about His presence and His purpose?

We think the destination is the real goal, but God sees the journey as the place of formation. Here on earth, we are shaped by the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, step by step, valley by valley.

As I look back on our time with TB, knowing this season is ending, I can’t help wondering if we could have done more. Isn’t hindsight always 20/20? I’m not even sure what more we could have done, but the chorus of Matthew West’s “The Motions” keeps coming to mind:

 I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all-consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

Did we just “go through the motions” while we were here?
Were we so focused on our own issues, needs, and walk that we missed opportunities to care for TB and his family?

In my heart, I fear the answer might be yes. But I also know there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). So I will not go down the road of guilt—mine or the enemy’s. I simply want to evaluate, learn, and grow.

Lord, thank You that You are in control and we are not. Thank You for Your grace, mercy, love, forgiveness, and patience. Father, help me keep my focus on Your will and Your plan—not my own. You paid the price for me, and I want to live the life You desire for me, not the one my flesh wants. Give me strength, courage, and determination to shed selfishness, pride, and ego so I can learn from You, for You are “gentle and humble in heart” (Matthew 11:29). In Jesus’ name, Amen.

I’ll end with this quote from today’s Oswald Chambers:

“The statement we so often hear, ‘Make a decision for Jesus Christ,’ places the emphasis on something our Lord never trusted. He never asks us to decide for Him, but to yield to Him—something very different. At the foundation of Jesus Christ’s kingdom is the genuine loveliness of those who are commonplace. I am truly blessed in my poverty. If I have no strength of will and a nature without worth or excellence, then Jesus says to me, ‘Blessed are you, because it is through your poverty that you can enter My kingdom…’”
(Matthew 5:3)