Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Holding On to Hope

Wow. This past week has been incredibly difficult at work. I’ve felt so overwhelmed that I haven’t even been taking time in the mornings for my devotional—and of course, that’s taking a toll on me. My armor and shield are down, making me prime bait for the enemy’s attacks—and he’s not holding back.

We’re getting closer and closer to losing our home, one of my co-workers has stopped giving me rides, and this morning, my other co-worker told me he’s resigning—meaning my rides to work will be gone in a couple of weeks.

But despite all of this, God has provided for us every single day. We have not gone without, and He remains faithful!

This was one of my scripture readings today:

Psalm 131

1 My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.

2 But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

3 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

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Tom has been fasting since Friday, and I’m so glad. I’ve been praying that he would surrender his eating habits to the Lord—not as the reason for fasting, but as a side benefit of seeking God’s face instead of food.

He’s also learning so much from Jesus Has Left the Building! It’s challenging his thinking in new ways, helping him not just accept things at face value. Over the past few days, we’ve been reconsidering why we’re going through the HMI licensing path and decided this morning that we need to stick with it, regardless of whether we feel like we "need" it or not.

Tom’s parents have decided to sell their house and buy a brand new condo in a 55 and older building. He’s working through some emotions about it, and we’ve decided that he should fly out for their “goodbye to the house” gathering. I know he’s missing his family, so I think this trip will be good for him.

I wish I could go too, but financially, it's just not an option right now. Lately, I’ve been feeling an increasing urge to quit my job. I don’t know when, but I feel like I’m getting closer to that decision.

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As I was reading Luke 22 today, I noticed some things I hadn’t seen before:

The Last Supper

7 Then came the day of Unleavened Bread on which the Passover lamb had to be sacrificed.
8 Jesus sent Peter and John, saying, “Go and make preparations for us to eat the Passover.”

I don’t remember ever realizing that Jesus was betrayed on the same night as the Passover. The connection is so significant.

19 And he took bread, gave thanks, and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”
20 In the same way, after the supper, he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.”

I also never thought about how the breaking of bread and the drinking of the cup happened at the beginning and end of the meal. Since we always take communion one element after another, I’ve always pictured Jesus doing it that way too.

It made me think… when we start the house church, maybe we should begin with a meal and have communion throughout—rather than just in a structured way. Not as a formula or ritual, but as a meaningful way to share in communion together. Just a thought.

45 When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow.
46 “Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.”

I had never noticed the phrase “exhausted from sorrow” before. It makes me wonder—did the disciples know more than the scriptures tell us about what was about to happen to Jesus? Or was there another reason for their deep sorrow?

And another thing struck me—the silliness of the betrayal itself.

Why did they even need Judas to identify Jesus? He had been teaching publicly all along, so why did the religious leaders suddenly act like they needed Judas to show them who He was? What exactly did Judas tell them to justify His arrest?

They had been looking for a way to kill Jesus for some time but feared the people. What about Judas’ betrayal suddenly changed that? Of course, I know the ultimate reason—it was Jesus’ time. Before this moment, it wasn’t—but now, it was. Still, the whole situation seems so strange when you step back and think about it.

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Jesus, thank You for Your Word that speaks to us daily, revealing the very nature of God.

Thank You for Your incredible love and sacrifice—that You, the Passover Lamb, willingly gave Yourself to pay the penalty for our sins, so that we could be reconciled to God.

What an amazing act of love!

Lord, please help me to take up my cross daily and die to myself for You.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Trust Beyond Expectations

This morning’s service was great! The pastor had prepared a message, but the Holy Spirit led him to set aside his plans and guide the congregation into a time of prayer—for one another and for healing. It was so powerful!

During worship, God gave me a word that I felt was meant for, not only me, but for the body of Christ as well. He said:

"Linda, I do not make mistakes. I am not a man that I would make mistakes—I am perfect. Even when things appear out of control, nothing is beyond MY control. You just need to trust Me."

Then He reminded me of the morning when He asked me three times if I trusted Him—just as He asked Peter three times if he loved Him. At that moment, I realized that my trust had been based on expecting Him to act the way I wanted Him to. But God was showing me that true trust means surrendering—even when things don’t go the way I hoped.

Then He spoke again:
"I don’t make mistakes, and all My ways are perfect."

I shared this word with the church administrator so she could pass it along to the congregation, but she felt like it was actually meant for her personally and chose not to give it to the pastor. I felt led to pray for her, and during that time, I sensed that I needed to build a deeper connection with her. So, I asked if she’d be free for lunch sometime this week.

Another special part of the day was that SS was there for the early service and ended up spending time with us. In the 20 years we’ve known him, he has never once sat with us! After church, we had a great conversation and shared where we are in life right now.

We told him we’d love to share more about what God is doing in our lives, but we’d need a couple of hours to tell the full story. So, we set up a time to meet with him and his wife on Monday night.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Choosing God’s Path Over Promotion

Tonight, we met with SS and his wife L, and once again, it was incredible to share our story and witness how God is speaking to people through our testimony!

Since SS is a real estate broker, he was interested in possibly buying our house. However, he called on Tuesday to let us know that he wouldn’t be able to purchase it himself but would check with other brokers he knows to see if any of them might be interested.

Meanwhile, at work, my boss told me he was leaving the customer service department and moving into operations. He then asked if I would be interested in stepping into a supervisory position.

As he spoke about the opportunity, my thoughts started racing: This would look great on my résumé… I’ve never had a role like this before… What an amazing opportunity! But then, I heard the Lord speaking to my heart:

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I still trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10)

In that moment, I knew this was a turning point. If I accepted the position, I would be making the choice to stay employed rather than following God's calling on my heart.

So, I made my decision—I won’t take the position. But I told my boss that I would pray about it and talk with my husband.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

When Obedience Hurts

This week has been really tough! I had several meetings with my boss that left me either in tears or walking away in frustration.

I officially declined the promotion, explaining that I was already struggling to handle my current workload and needed to get a grip on that before taking on additional responsibilities. I also shared that I’m waiting on God’s direction, specifically the word "Go", and didn’t want to put my boss in the difficult position of having to replace me so soon after a promotion.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Unexpected Encouragement and Uncomfortable blessings

During our Doctrines class, my friend shared how deeply God's word through me had impacted her. She said that the temptation Satan had been using to distract her from God's calling suddenly lost its grip. She could now see clearly that it was nothing more than a trick of the enemy—a distraction meant to pull her away from her purpose. Praise the Lord!

Then, something unexpected happened—her husband turned to me and said, he felt like he needed to tell me that I looked "beautiful" to him. He shared that during class, he glanced over at me and was struck by my beauty. To say this made me uncomfortable would be an understatement! I still don’t know what that was about.

When he said it, my mind immediately flashed back to my reflection in the mirror that morning—how exhausted and worn out I looked. It was certainly not a "pretty" sight…

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Later that day, I checked my email and found a message from a friend I had prayed for. She was thanking me for the word God had given me for her on Sunday:

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Linda,

I've been thinking of you all week and wanted to thank you for sharing the word you had for me on Sunday. I’ve tucked it deep inside and pulled it out numerous times this week.

When I walked into class yesterday morning, I felt "book-prepared" but spiritually empty—when I normally feel on fire, ready to share a "golden nugget" from Him. But remembering that He is Lord, that He will never leave me, and that I am not doing anything on my own, gave me the strength to start class. Then, the Holy Spirit took over.

Our study on Judges and Ruth turned into a Holy Spirit-driven time of spontaneous prayer, confessions, tears, rejoicing, and a powerful move of God over everyone in the room.

And despite feeling a little off today, just taking the time to write this to you has lifted my spirit—I’m actually sitting here grinning like a loon! 😄

Hope you're having a wonderful Thursday!
Sending love,
K

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God is so good!

Friday, October 19, 2007

 

Provision, Promptings, and PMS

Today’s Power Minute: Not Without a Struggle

"But Ruth replied, 'Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.’” — Ruth 1:16-17

There are moments in life when we must bite the bullet, draw a line in the sand, and stand firm—even when we don’t fully understand what lies ahead. We reach a place where we can no longer tolerate the status quo, yet we’re unsure what the next step should be or if we should even take one at all.

It’s at this crossroads where we must decide: Will we stay where it’s safe, or will we move forward in faith? We may not know what’s beyond the horizon, but we cannot remain in the shadows of the sunset.

Struggles are a necessary part of transformation. A caterpillar must endure the fight to break free from its cocoon before it can become a butterfly. What struggles are you facing that seem impossible to endure? Look at Ruth—she lost everything, yet she knew she couldn’t turn back. She had to move forward with God, trusting Him to redeem her situation.

"You turned my mourning into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy." — Psalm 30:11

Trust in His power and don’t fear the struggle. The night may bring tears, but joy is coming in the morning.

Keep looking up!
— Pastor KT

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As I read this, I clearly felt God speaking to me about leaving my job. Phrases like “biting the bullet,” “you find yourself incapable of tolerating the status quo,” and “don’t fear the struggle” hit me hard. It felt like confirmation of what I’ve already been sensing in my spirit. Oh Lord, You know how much I want to leave!

I was also doing a Bible study with Pastor KT (the author of Power Minute), and one of the questions we had to answer was: “What is God asking you to prepare for?”

While praying about it on my morning walk, I felt God say: “Prepare to depart.” Immediately, I knew He meant my job. So, I’ve been getting things in order at work, preparing to hand things over for when God says, “Go.”

At lunch today, I shared my heart with a friend—how I feel called to full-time ministry but struggle with fears about finances and losing our benefits.

Later, Tom called with an unexpected blessing. We received a check from Bank of America for $2,460.00—hand-addressed to us, with “overpayment” written in the memo section, but no other explanation.

Bank of America financed my car, so we assume they sold it at auction, paid off what was owed, and this was the leftover amount. Who has ever heard of a bank sending money back after repossessing a car?! Wait, what!??

And here’s the crazy part—Tom’s next car payment (after SK paid part of it) was due on November 1st. The exact amount owed? $2,298.00! That left us with just over $100 to cover the maintenance his car needed.

Only God! 🙌

That night, BY surprised Tom and me with tickets to the Sonic Flood concert. When we arrived, he pulled us aside for a special task—praying over the band before they performed. It was such a cool experience!

But honestly, the rest of the evening went downhill fast. I was exhausted, grumpy, and majorly PMSing (I swear I spend more time PMSing than not lately!).

I let Tom get under my skin, and instead of enjoying the concert, I was just irritated. By the time we got home, I was so annoyed with myself that I went straight to bed. Poor Tom. 😬

Saturday, October 20, 2007

A Day of Revelation and Release

Today wasn’t much better than last night—Tom and I were still at each other’s throats all morning. Frustrated and drained, I knew I needed a shift in my attitude. I asked Tom to lead us in worship, praying that God would change my heart.

He showed up. And I was broken.

I had been feeling so exhausted, completely “done,” crying out to God for help. I told Him, “I can’t keep going like this—working all these hours and trying to do ministry too.” Within seconds, He replayed in my mind the word He had given my friend and reminded me:

“I have already told you what you need to do.”

I immediately thought about why I hadn't quit my job yet—money and benefits. But then God responded:

• Me: “But I’m the only income.”
• God: “I am your provider.”
• Me: “But I’m the only one with health benefits!”
• God: “I am your healer.”

Then I heard one clear word: “GO.”

At that moment, I was overwhelmed with relief, release, freedom, and joy. All I could do was cry! It felt like a massive weight had lifted off my shoulders.

To step out in faith, to trust my Lord and Savior fully, and to KNOW that He will provide—WOW.

Right after this powerful prayer time, I quickly checked my emails and saw a message from a woman in my Womanade group:

Hello Amiga Linda,
Linda, you know Linda means "pretty, beautiful" in Spanish. And you are…

Always your Amiga, M

The timing struck me—just days after my friend’s husband had told me something similar. Wow, Lord. Thank You!

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Even after my breakthrough, Tom and I continued to struggle. We were still bickering, and about an hour before our friends arrived for a birthday dinner, Tom lost it. He threw his water bottle on the floor and stormed out.

Earlier, I had acknowledged my own attitude and apologized, but I also told him, “There’s something deeper going on with you, and I’m not going to take responsibility for what isn’t mine.”

When he returned, he apologized and finally opened up.

He confessed that he felt all his old insecurities resurfacing—the fear that if everything went to hell in a handbasket, everyone would blame him. He felt like a failure again, like nothing he did was right, like everyone was watching him, judging him.

But in that moment, the anger and tension broke. We were restored before our guests arrived.

We shared our big news with them, and they prayed over us and supported us in our crazy leap of faith. 🥰 We are so blessed to have such good friends!